It's Monday night. I'm watching the news..always a depressing thing. I'm drinking a Stewart's Cherries 'n Cream, leftover from Katy's birthday celebration on Friday night. I just boiled some eggs and am about to make an egg salad sandwich...yum! Oh, how I am loving my alone time right now.
Mom had surgery last week and is recovering. (and will be for awhile) She seems to be doing pretty well, so that's good. I've been checking in on her and making sure the house is semi-clean. And it has been, as long as Mike isn't around!
With all that is going on in my life, I have become obsessed with something.... paying my credit card off!! Honestly, it's really the only thing I have to look forward to at this point in my life. I've come to the realization that Brian's house probably won't sell, and if it does, it'll be years from now. So, why should I sit here and wait for something that might not happen for a very long time? Why should I be punished for something that has nothing to do with me? So, after I get my debt under control...which should be in about 6 months if all goes well, then I hope to move out on my own. If Brian's house sells by then, great! But if not, I can't just sit here and wait. I don't think it is fair to me or to him for this to be happening, but there is nothing either one of us can do. So, maybe when his house sells, he can move in with me, instead of me moving in with him years down the road. Brian knows all of this, and he understands. We just wish something would happen so we can finally start our lives together. After all, I am almost 30!! :)
As far as the job thing goes..who knows. I'm honestly at a loss right now about what to do with my life. I'd love to be a stay-at-home mom someday, but I'm realistic and I know that probably won't ever happen. And I know that the teaching thing is out unless I move. So, what else is there? I'm always searching, always looking. I can't afford to go back to school right now. So, I'm busting my butt working 2 jobs and still not making any money. I don't know. It was so much easier when I was in college, I had no worries. I miss those days. Maybe I'll win the lottery! :)
Monday, October 27, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Things to be happy about right now!
I thought I'd change it up a bit and post something happy and refreshing! :) We all need our spirits lifted every now and then. The economy is bad, we're stressed, and most of us are extremely strapped for cash, so let's put that aside and think about something positive...what makes us happy! Here is what makes me happy right now, in no particular order.
1. Good music! There's nothing like sitting down and relaxing to some good music. I love all music (especially country!) but I've been listening to Bob Marley a lot lately...he keeps telling me that "every little thing, is gonna be alright!" and that gives me hope. Thanks Bob!
2. Long sleeve t-shirts. They are my favorite!!! I love to pair it with a cute lacy tank underneathe.
3. Pumpkin, pumpkin, and more pumpkin! I am lovin pumpkin pie, pumpkin roll, pumpkin bread, you name it! Tis' the season! (Plus pumpkin has many health benefits!)
4. McDonald's monopoly. Ok, it may not be the best idea I've ever had, but now I look forward to getting my am coffee even more! If only I could stop getting the same pieces over and over again. At least I've only eaten one big mac so far...
5. Black Squirrels. I thought that they were only a Hiram/Kent thing, but lately I've seen a few in my backyard. It's sweet.
6. Bubble baths! Now that it's getting cooler out, what better way to relax than to take a bubble bath!
7. The election is almost over! I don't know about you, but I am so tired of all this political mumbo jumbo. I cannot wait for it all to be over!!
8. Gas prices. I filled my tank today for $22! Now that, is awesome!
9. Christmas is around the corner. How can you not be jolly at Christmas?
10. Chilli. I think I may make some very soon. So good!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
My So-Called Life
It's been awhile since Ive been able to update my blog and I apologize to all of my readers that I've been slacking on this! I'm sitting here, finally relaxing after another long work week. The tv is on, although I'm not really watching it. Katy is in the chair, also playing on her computer. Lacey is sitting by me on the couch, snoring away, because we know that she's put in a stressful day. I'm smiling, probably for the first time all day. I'm glad just to be at home, resting and not worrying about anything...for now.
Lately, I've had a lot of trouble with..let's just say my "mental health." I've been pretty open with everyone about my anxiety issues because I don't feel ashamed or that I should try to hide anything. I also think that it is good for me to talk about them, as my thoughts and feelings may not ony help myself, but other people who may be going through the same thing. I've had them my whole life, and usually I am ok. But in the past few weeks, I have not been ok.
I have always been one to overstress and overanalyze everything. It's just who I am. I try to be the best friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter, and employee I can, which leads to me being overwhelmed and overstressed.
Since January, I have been working two jobs. But in the past few months, I have been working more than usual. I decided that I wanted to get my credit card paid off as soon as possible. So, I have been putting in 60 hour weeks. I get up at 6:15,get dressed and get to work at 7. I leave job #1 at 3:30, go home, change, eat a PB & J sandwich, and go to job #2 until 9 on most nights. I'm starting to finally make some money. I often work Fridays or Saturdays. I thought I wouldn't get too tired (hah!) or stressed. (yeah right!) I also have other stresses going on in my life. So, I guess I should have known it would catch up with me and a few weeks ago it did.
I had not had a "panic attack" in quite awhile. If you have ever had them, you know how awful they are. It feels like you may stop breathing at any minute and you are so nervous and you don't even know what about. You sweat. You can't swallow. You're afraid you will die. Brian and I were sitting on the couch watching football, and I felt it coming on. At first, I was afraid he would have to take me to the hospital, but I knew that it would eventually pass. So I laid there at Brian's. He checked on me often, until I told him he could stay with me for awhile. He was so good about it although scared cause he had never seen me like hat. It did pass the next morning. But, why would it happen when I was finally relaxing? Why did it have to happen on a Saturday night when I was enjoying myself? Apparently, it can happen anytime, anywhere. Since then, I have been extremely anxious. Anxious it may happen again, or just anxious. I don't like feeling fearful or feeling like I can't get out of bed. Something has got to change...
I know that I need to cut back and slow down. I need to work, there's no way around that. And I need to relax! It's just hard to do when I have so much going on in my head. Will I ever move out? Will Brian's house ever sell? Will I ever make any money? Will I ever get married? Have kids? I am pushing myself to be everything to everyone and not doing anything for myself. Finding time to even shower during the week is a job in itself! :)
I do not take any medication and would prefer it that way. I am going to look into alternative ways to deal with my stress and anxiety issues. If anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it. I think I am going to go back to church. Maybe try yoga? My dad says I that I should give myself pep talks and remind myself that I am a good person. (which I know!) My mom says I need to cut back on work. Basically, I need to make more time for myself and do more for myself.
Everyone has something they have to deal with. And this, is what I have to deal with. I can either do something about it, or let it eat me alive. I am choosing to do something about it.
Lately, I've had a lot of trouble with..let's just say my "mental health." I've been pretty open with everyone about my anxiety issues because I don't feel ashamed or that I should try to hide anything. I also think that it is good for me to talk about them, as my thoughts and feelings may not ony help myself, but other people who may be going through the same thing. I've had them my whole life, and usually I am ok. But in the past few weeks, I have not been ok.
I have always been one to overstress and overanalyze everything. It's just who I am. I try to be the best friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter, and employee I can, which leads to me being overwhelmed and overstressed.
Since January, I have been working two jobs. But in the past few months, I have been working more than usual. I decided that I wanted to get my credit card paid off as soon as possible. So, I have been putting in 60 hour weeks. I get up at 6:15,get dressed and get to work at 7. I leave job #1 at 3:30, go home, change, eat a PB & J sandwich, and go to job #2 until 9 on most nights. I'm starting to finally make some money. I often work Fridays or Saturdays. I thought I wouldn't get too tired (hah!) or stressed. (yeah right!) I also have other stresses going on in my life. So, I guess I should have known it would catch up with me and a few weeks ago it did.
I had not had a "panic attack" in quite awhile. If you have ever had them, you know how awful they are. It feels like you may stop breathing at any minute and you are so nervous and you don't even know what about. You sweat. You can't swallow. You're afraid you will die. Brian and I were sitting on the couch watching football, and I felt it coming on. At first, I was afraid he would have to take me to the hospital, but I knew that it would eventually pass. So I laid there at Brian's. He checked on me often, until I told him he could stay with me for awhile. He was so good about it although scared cause he had never seen me like hat. It did pass the next morning. But, why would it happen when I was finally relaxing? Why did it have to happen on a Saturday night when I was enjoying myself? Apparently, it can happen anytime, anywhere. Since then, I have been extremely anxious. Anxious it may happen again, or just anxious. I don't like feeling fearful or feeling like I can't get out of bed. Something has got to change...
I know that I need to cut back and slow down. I need to work, there's no way around that. And I need to relax! It's just hard to do when I have so much going on in my head. Will I ever move out? Will Brian's house ever sell? Will I ever make any money? Will I ever get married? Have kids? I am pushing myself to be everything to everyone and not doing anything for myself. Finding time to even shower during the week is a job in itself! :)
I do not take any medication and would prefer it that way. I am going to look into alternative ways to deal with my stress and anxiety issues. If anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it. I think I am going to go back to church. Maybe try yoga? My dad says I that I should give myself pep talks and remind myself that I am a good person. (which I know!) My mom says I need to cut back on work. Basically, I need to make more time for myself and do more for myself.
Everyone has something they have to deal with. And this, is what I have to deal with. I can either do something about it, or let it eat me alive. I am choosing to do something about it.
Alzheimer's Memory Walk 2008
On Saturday, October 4th, the Wilson Clan participated in the Alzheimer's Memory Walk. It was a little chilly, but the Wilson Clan was ready and excited to walk! Mom, Katy, me, Brian, Aunt Martha and Uncle Dan, Aunt Dot, and Aunt Susie raised $2,500!!! Amy Paulus also helped to raise over $100 for our team! This was my third year and I plan to walk every year! We have to find a cure for this horrible disease!! Take a look at the pics from Memory Walk '08!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
New Posts Coming Soon...
Sorry for the gap between posts! I promise more are coming soon...I have lots to write about!! I have been so insanely busy (insane is a good word because that is pretty much how I feel right now!) these past few weeks. Look for upcoming blogs about the Memory Walk, What's Happening In My Life, and various other points of interest. Stay tuned.....
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