What do I do with my life now??

I feel like this is a never ending battle. I always thought that I would be a teacher. Always. When I was little, I was always "the teacher" when playing with my brothers and sisters. I graduated with a degree in education. I subbed. I worked in daycare. I tutored. I did just about everything in hopes to get in to a school. After years of this, I couldn't do it anymore so I gave up. I took a job in a call center. I was making decent money, had a secure job with good benefits. But I hated what I was doing. I'm a pretty active person and I knew that sitting for 8 + hours a day was something that was going to be hard on me. And hard on my body which I would find out later. I was tired, grumpy, and not a fun person to be around. Somehow I did this for 5 years. I'm not sure how I lasted that long. Then, suddenly I thought that maybe I should try the teaching thing again. At least I would be doing something meaningful instead of listening to people complain and yell at me all day long. So I considered renewing my teaching license. But first, I should try to get back into the education field! I had an 18 month old at the time so I started applying for jobs at daycares in hopes I would get a job at one and my son would be able to come to work with me. Not long after I applied, I interviewed at a place I used to work for but a different location. I had worked for 6 years teaching Pre-K before so it would be easy to jump right back in. The company knew me, they liked me, and I had a lot of experience. It would be perfect! Or so I thought! I knew almost immediately that this was a huge mistake. I felt like an outsider from the get go. At 36 I was the oldest person that worked there. I was working with girls who were in their early 20's. I couldn't relate to them and they couldn't relate to me. I have always been a responsible person and employee. I have never gotten written up or in trouble in any way. Just a few weeks in, I was called in to the office for the first of many times. Was I seriously in trouble for parking too close? She had a whole list of things for me that I was doing wrong. Minor things, but still, I was shocked. A few weeks later, I was written up for reporting inappropriate behavior in my classroom. Still scratching my head about that one! After a few months, I still wasn't fitting in and was still getting in trouble over stupid little things. Cody was doing great in the Toddler room. He was starting to talk more, had a good routine, and was playing well with other kids. The bad part though was that he was sick nonstop. I wrote up a resignation letter in August but never turned it in. I thought I should give it another go. The unhappiness continued though. I had an awful class. I had never worked with children who were so disrespectful. I had no support from management. Some of the other teachers felt bad for me and were very nice and sympathetic. Especially Cody's teacher. But the stress got to be so bad I just couldn't do it any longer. I wasn't sleeping because I was thinking about what I had to do the next day or how I could avoid getting in trouble again. I was really mean and tired and I was fed up. Then came the final straw. I got called in to the office where I was told I was a "cold" person. I was told the children acting up was my fault. Basically I was an awful teacher and a bad person. I was in utter shock and disbelief. I had never in my life been treated so poorly by an employer. By anyone! I don't think I was ever praised or complimented on a single thing while I was there. A few days later, I told my boss I was thinking of quitting. I agreed to take the weekend to think about it...although I knew what I had to do. I know my husband was tired of it as well. So I told them I was quitting. So I did. And it was everything I hoped it would be. Awesome! I took a part time job in retail. It was a mindless job but I needed something non-stressful. Never in a million years thought I'd work in retail at the age of 36 but here I was! It was a seasonal job, but after the holidays, they asked me to stay on. So, I am here still until I figure something else out. I honestly have no clue what I want to do anymore. I'm happier now than I have been in a long time thought because that stress is gone and I get to spend more time with Cody. But I know I need to do something else and I am worth more than this. I need to find something I'm passionate about and something I really care about. Teaching must not be in the cards for me. I just need to find out what is!

Time for a break!

So I decided to take a break from Facebook. I realized that Facebook is making me angry. And anxious. And annoyed. And obsessive. I was checking it all the time. I mean, ALL the time. I couldn't make it through a meal, or a movie, or a conversation without checking my phone. I don't even know why I was checking it all the time. What did I really need to see that was more important than the people I was talking to or the activity I was doing? Did I really care that much about what was going on in other people's lives? Or to know that they care about mine? It all of a sudden hit me that I was obsessing about this thing that has brought me so many different emotions over the years. Both good and bad. Excitement, such as sharing the news that I was getting married. Or the thrill of announcing to the Facebook world that Brian and I were going to have a baby. How scared I was to share to everyone that I suffered a seizure and wasn't sure why. The sadness I felt when my beloved dog, Lacey died. The annoyance of people posting things that I don't agree with. But this thing that has brought me mostly joy, has become a HUGE problem. After I would post a status, I immediately began checking my phone every few minutes to see if someone liked or commented on my post. THAT is a problem. I start wondering WHY people aren't commenting on my hip problems, or emphathizing about my job issues, or liking my Cody pics. Or WHO was commenting or NOT commenting. Like, don't these people care about me? Surely, they don't care or maybe they have me hidden. I'm a sensitive person, we all know this. And I can take offense to a lot of things. But we all do. People are always getting offended and will always be offended by something. Someone posts an article and shit hits the fan. "Like, seriously you just posted that article??" "I'm going to post a passive aggressive post now, but it's not about you!" "I know more on the subject so let me post this!" etc, etc...Ugh. It just gets to be too much. I was defriended by someone for simply posting an article which was followed by passive aggressive posts from other people. I quickly learned my lesson to not share my personal beliefs or opinions on things and stick to posting Cody pics. Facebook can have a way of ruining relationships, which is quite sad. Anyway, I will be back soon. I just had a wake up call about what is important and what is not. And Facebook is not and will not be at the top of that list.