So it begins...

Last Friday I began taking my "anti-convulsants." I knew there would be some side effects from these, especially since I am pretty sensitive to medicine. The first couple days it completely wiped me out. Words cannot even express how the medications made me feel..mentally and physically. I decided to stay in Cuyahoga Falls instead of going to Twinsburg as I usually do, just in case anything happened. So, Brian came over, we went to On Tap, and I took my pills. Then, we watched Band of Brothers and...I fell asleep. Pretty much right away. Saturday morning I woke up and felt like I had been hit by a truck. I was tired, woozy, and dizzy. My body was even sore like I had worked out. I forced myself to go downstairs (after I smelled some food cooking) and found that my mom made a huge (and healthy) breakfast! I ate...a lot. Then Brian and I went back upstairs and laid around for a bit. I decided that I did not want to spend my whole Saturday doing nothing so I got ready and we went to the mall, head spinning just a tad! Yes, I still felt pretty crappy, but as my mom says, I'm a trooper! I am not one to go down without a fight! I picked out two new pair of glasses that I desperately needed and we walked around the mall a bit. Then, we came back to the house, watched My Bloody Valentine and went to Metro Burger. We had never been there before, but my friend Tywon always talks about it. It was a pretty neat experience! I recommend anyone going there. They even have veggie burgers. There is also a cool store next door called Market Path that was closed at the time. They sell all of these cool fair trade goods. Hopefully I will get to go there soon. After we got back, we watched Friday the 13th, but of course I was struggling to keep my eyes open toward the end. Sunday was a lazy, hazy day. As was Monday. (I was off work Monday, but think I got off the couch a total of 3 times!) Luckily I began taking the medication during the weekend cause I don't think I could have handled working!

I do not like to be on medication. Period. However, it is now the 6th day and I am starting to feel normal. Or maybe what my new "normal" is. If I have to be on medication forever, I can deal. As long as I am healthy and do not have to experience what I experienced a few weekends ago, it's all good.

So, what is wrong with me?

On Thursday, I had to get an EEG done. I had a seizure last weekend and they are trying to figure out why I had one. The lady was really nice, thankfully. She complimented my hair and told me she was going to place a cap on my head. After she did that, she put tiny circles in my hair and then applied a goop-like substance to the circles so that she could put the electrodes on. She told me that I had to lay still for about 30 minutes in the dark. So, she turned out the lights and I was told to do some deep breathing exercises. Easy at first, but by the end, I was about ready to pass out. Then, a strobe light was placed in front of my eyes. There were a series of patterns from the strobe light..this was not a fun experience!!! I was so glad when it was all over. After she wiped the goop out of my hair, I was free to go! Unfortunately I had to go back to work with two bullseyes on my forehead!

Today, I had my appointment with Dr. Huang, the neurologist. He was pretty nice. He tested my eyes, reflexes, etc.. and had me do all these hopping and balance exercises. I passed all of them and we then talked about what happened last weekend. He told me that even though we don't have all the test results back that I need to go on medication to control my seizures. I am not very thrilled about this, but I do agree that it is what must happen. So today I begin taking my pills. Next Friday I have an MRI scheduled to see if they can see anything else that may be causing this.

Life is full of so many unexpected things. I never in a million years would have thought something like this could happen to me. Hopefully the doctors get to the bottom of it and the medicine will make me seizure-free!

My trip to the hospital (s)!

When I went to bed Friday night, it was like any other Friday night. I went to sleep while Brian stayed up and watched tv. I got up once to use the bathroom as I usually do. But, when I woke up, I was shocked to see three paramedics in the room with me. I remember them asking me all sorts of questions that I couldn't answer, such as the date, the year, etc...the only question I could answer was who Brian was. They kept telling me that I had a seizure. I just remember thinking, what????? I guess they led me down the steps (which I do not remember) into the ambulance. Brian said that he would follow us there.

The next few hours are a whirlwind of confusion. Brian's parents came to the hospital, my dad, my mom, and aunt dot. Unfortunately my mom had to cut her trip to Lake Erie short to be with me! They did a series of tests, but did not find anything other than a urinary tract infection which I thought I had anyway. After a few hours, I was transferred to Akron City. My mom stopped home and brought me some toiletries and clothing that I really needed!! I had more blood taken, etc....and they told me I had to stay overnight. By this point it was dinner time and I had not eaten ALL day! So I ordered a turkey sandwich, cookies, a chocolate milkshake, a salad, cookies, and apple crisp. My family stayed for a while longer and then left. Brian and his mom were the last ones there and I found out a little more about what happened before the paramedics came. Apparently I was convulsing in the bed. My whole body was shaking and my eyes were open. Brian said that he rolled me to the side and blood poured out of my mouth. (this was from chewing up my tongue, but he didn't realize that at the time! He thought I was dying!) So, then he called 911.

After everyone left, I was left alone with my magazines and tv. Eventually I shut everything off and went to bed. Unfortunately, the nurses kept coming in every few hours to check on me, take my bp, etc... so I didn't get much sleep. Around 7:30ish, Dr. Dahlen came in and said that he could schedule the other tests as outpatient procedures and that I didn't need to stay another night. I was overjoyed!!! So I called my mom and was wheeled out to her car. I felt fine all day on Sunday aside from not being able to eat anything hard or spicy and my whole body feeling like I worked out for 10 hours.

So, now I wait to get in for more tests so they can figure out what is wrong with me.

Happy Three Year Anniversary!

Brian and I celebrated our three year anniversary together on July 1, 2009. Hard to believe we've been together for three years already! We decided to go out to Hibatchi Japan--one of our fave restaurants for dinner! We split some sushi that was delicious! He got steak and shrimp and I got chicken and shrimp. Then for dessert, we made Rice Krispies with peanut butter and chocolate chips in them. We ended the evening by listening to the cd I made him while we played Rummy. It was a really nice night!

Time to let go

The other day, Brian came over to my house. We wanted to use the computer to check out some job stuff. So, we go up to my bedroom and as usual, it is a disaster. And why wouldn't it be? Is a 30 year old supposed to still be living with her mom?? That's a whole other blog. Anyway, as he glanced at my closet, he started making comments about how he'd never seen this sweater before, or that shirt, etc...So then, I opened up my closet and started pulling things out and wondered...is it time to finally get rid of thist stuff? The problem is, it isn't just stuff to me, everything I own has some sort of sentimental value attached to it.

From cabbage patch dolls, to NKOTB posters. From beer caps from college, to old clothing that isn't even in style anymore. I think I finally realized, it is time to let go of my past and prepare for my future.

So, I agreed that I should start throwing things out, boxing up things, and organizing all of my "stuff". I do hope to move out soon and if I start on it now, it'll be less work for me when I do finally move out. Wish me luck!

Boy, do I need it!

The best of both worlds

I used to hate the way I looked. I always thought that I looked kind of, well, weird. Sure, I was a cute baby, chubby with bright red hair. But the cuteness wore off and then I just looked, weird. And then, there was the awkward phase with the perm and braces..yuck. Not only did I think I looked weird, I acted a little weird too. I was convinced that I was adopted for the longest time...I did not have dark hair or dark eyes like most of our family. I was just...me!

Of course, I look back on all of that and laugh. I now like that I look unique. I'm not ashamed of the fact that I'm a worry-wort or get too emotional about stuff. I think it's good that I care about others and try to keep others from keeping the same mistakes I did. I like cooking (especially baking) for others. I take care of others because I like to. I consider a pet part of the family. If someone tries to hurt someone in my family, I will hunt them down. I may not be graceful, but gosh darnit, I will always try. I do not give up easily. I'm a fighter. I'm pretty good at handling my finances. I'm not the most organized person as far as material things, but I am great with remembering when bills are due, upcoming birthdays, etc...I only nag because I care. I love the outdoors...especially biking, hiking, camping, or just sitting outside. I don't really like to shop, I like to get in and get out! I appreciate a good brew, whether a beer or a coffee. I think it is important to carry on traditions. I do not spend money on needless things and usually only buy what is necessary. I'm a country girl at heart. I don't have time for laziness or stupidness. Family is everything. I do not comform to what others do. I'm my own person and if you don't like it...CYA!!!!!

All of these qualities I inherited from my parents. I believe I really did get the best of both of them.

Except for my looks. Those I got from Grandma Wilson. :)

A Broken Wing

My Grandma Robinson passed away about 10 years ago from ovarian cancer. She was a wonderful grandmother, mother, and wife. As children, we used to love to visit Grandma and Grandpa Robinson. Their house was very small, but quite large to us children. There was always a variety of sweet treats for us in the freezer that we were welcome to whenever we wanted. The tv was there waiting for us. We could ride a dirt bike in their gigantic yard! The most delicious blueberries were in their backyard. We always had a great time no matter what we were doing. And the subs...Grandma made the BEST subs..I wish I knew how she did it because I would love to carry on that tradition. When Grandma died, I was in college, but remember it like it was yesterday. It was very hard for all of us, but for my Grandpa in particular.

Grandma was always the one who kept up the house. So, after she was gone, Grandpa became very depressed and did not do anything with the house...for 10 years. He mainly stayed in the kitchen smoking his cigars, and drinking a Genessee or a pot of coffee. The love of his life was gone and I think that he lost his will to live. Recently, Grandpa was moved into a VA home and his house was sold. I could tell that my dad was upset about getting rid of the house, but he had to do what he had to do.

We helped dad clean out the house..there wasn't a lot of value due to the condition of the home. But going through it brought out a lot of memories. I decided that I wanted to take something that would remind me of them. I came across three angels on the window sill and thought that I would take one, and give the other two to Jenny and Katy. It wasn't until later that I discovered that one of the angels had a broken wing. This angel seemed to intrigue me. Why? Well, as silly as it sounds, it made me think of myself....trying to go through this life as best I can even though I am always trying to overcome an obstacle. I perservere every day even though I sometimes feel like everything is working against me. But, I remain strong through it all.

"And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly"

-Martina McBride

I am that angel with a broken wing. And one day, you will see me fly. One day.