Never get tired of watching this...so powerful!!

Tim McGraw singing "If You're Reading this." Such a good song.

God is Great, Beer is Good, and Maybe I'm Crazy

My BFF and I have been best friends since we were 11 years old. I was maid of honor in her wedding, and now am Godmother of her child. Now in order to be a Godmother, I have to be Catholic, (which I am) attend mass to show that I am faithful, and provide the church with a certificate. After calling my church to get this certificate (the church I attended my whole life, mind you) I found out that I wasn't registered and they had no record of me being there. I said, "Don't you have records of my First Communion and Confirmation?" "It doesn't matter!" said the secretary. "You need to prove that you are faithful by attending mass and donating each week." I thought that this was ridiculous...so in order to show I am faithful, I have to pay money? So I registered and began attending and paying each week. (I must add that there is nothing wrong with giving to the church. However, you should not be forced to do it or made to think that you are a bad person because you don't)I explained my aggravation to my BFF and after a month of attending mass at my church, she suggested that I switch to her church to see if it might be a better fit. She went with me to meet the new priest who I thought was wonderful. Not to mention, the church is beautful. I am very excited that I am a member now. And very excited to be a Godmother! And yes, I now am getting money deducted out of my count weekly at my new church. Because I want to. GOD IS GREAT!!

I love a good beer. However, I have learned that moderation is key. (these days!)Now, in my early 20's, I could party like a rock star. I could stay out late 4 times a week, drink however much I wanted, and be in pretty good shape the next day. I didn't care what I had to do the next day. I didn't even think about it. I was just living for the night. Now, of course I still have some brews on weekends. However, when I take that first sip, I think...."hmmmmm what am I doing tomorrow? This tastes so good, but will it be worth it in the morning? What if I drink too much..how long will it take me to recover? A hangover for me = laying around and eating bad food. Do I really want to waste a whole day (or even weekend) so that I can have fun and forget about things for a few hours? 5 beers or a head and stomachache tomorrow?" Of course I slip up every now and then and still inbibe too much But...I was VP of my sorority and BEER IS GOOD!

I have decided that I have some issues and may be...well, a little crazy. Ever since I was a kid, I have been afraid of doctors. This has carried on into my adulthood. In fact, when I go in and they check my blood pressure, it is often very high. It usually runs from 133/90 to 145/95, unless I am not nervous or it is a quick check-up. The nurses and doctors are often shocked by this. I am not old, or too much out of shape. I quickly explain to them that I get very nervous and it is always high but I do not normally have high blood pressure. I recently went to the dr. and the nurse was very concerned and made me sit in the conference room while she talked to the doctor. He knew that I was nervous and just told me to monitor it to make sure it was not normally high. He gave me a diagnosis. "White Coat Syndrome." Surely, I am not the only person who has this problem..am I? So, dad let me borrow his blood pressure monitor. And guess what I found out? My blood pressure is pretty good! I checked it this morning, after work, and before bed. And although it was a bit higher after work...it was about 115/78. Wow--what a difference from 145/95. Goes to show you what stress and anxiety does to your body. Unfortunately now, I am probably going to become obsessed with taking my blood pressure, as I have become obsessed with checking my skin for abnormalities, going to the doctor for every ache and pain and worrying about my stomach and seizure disorder. Honestly, I don't know how everyone puts up with all of my worries. Maybe I have good reason to worry. Or MAYBE I'M CRAZY! :)

Back to normal

It's been a month since I was hospitlized. I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. I have two more weeks of taking two medications and then I only have to take one--yay!! Still no driving--until at least October 16th, when my next appointment with my neurologist is. Today I worked out for the first time since. Wow--taking some time off is rough!! I need to get back in shape..it'll make me feel better. And healthier too.

I am starting to look at life in a new way. Since the incident I have come to realize how short life is and you never know what tomorrow will hold. I am fortunate that I have so many people around me that care about me. Throughout my whole ordeal those that truly care have been there for me. My mom has gone above and beyond from driving me around (constantly), cooking food, and just checking up on me. Katy and Eric have been there to drive me if needed. My dad is always there for me when I need to talk. Jenny always calls to check up on me. Brian puts up with my crankiness, tears, tiredness, you name it. He is my rock and I would be lost without him. Oh yeah, did I mention he saved my life? Beth is always there for me when I need a friend. I don't know what I would do without my family and friends.

I have also realized that I need to do what is best for me and not worry what others think. The main thing I HAVE to focus on right now is cutting down my stress. (yes mom, you are right!) But, I sometimes feel that everything is working against me and I have to sit and get crapped on while I watch good things happen to everyone around me. There are certain things I need to do in my life that hopefully will happen soon. Although there are many things I can't change, there are some things I can. I'm hoping by the end of the year things will get better.

So, please bear with me as I adjust to my new life. I know my turn is coming. I just wish it was now.

So it begins...

Last Friday I began taking my "anti-convulsants." I knew there would be some side effects from these, especially since I am pretty sensitive to medicine. The first couple days it completely wiped me out. Words cannot even express how the medications made me feel..mentally and physically. I decided to stay in Cuyahoga Falls instead of going to Twinsburg as I usually do, just in case anything happened. So, Brian came over, we went to On Tap, and I took my pills. Then, we watched Band of Brothers and...I fell asleep. Pretty much right away. Saturday morning I woke up and felt like I had been hit by a truck. I was tired, woozy, and dizzy. My body was even sore like I had worked out. I forced myself to go downstairs (after I smelled some food cooking) and found that my mom made a huge (and healthy) breakfast! I ate...a lot. Then Brian and I went back upstairs and laid around for a bit. I decided that I did not want to spend my whole Saturday doing nothing so I got ready and we went to the mall, head spinning just a tad! Yes, I still felt pretty crappy, but as my mom says, I'm a trooper! I am not one to go down without a fight! I picked out two new pair of glasses that I desperately needed and we walked around the mall a bit. Then, we came back to the house, watched My Bloody Valentine and went to Metro Burger. We had never been there before, but my friend Tywon always talks about it. It was a pretty neat experience! I recommend anyone going there. They even have veggie burgers. There is also a cool store next door called Market Path that was closed at the time. They sell all of these cool fair trade goods. Hopefully I will get to go there soon. After we got back, we watched Friday the 13th, but of course I was struggling to keep my eyes open toward the end. Sunday was a lazy, hazy day. As was Monday. (I was off work Monday, but think I got off the couch a total of 3 times!) Luckily I began taking the medication during the weekend cause I don't think I could have handled working!

I do not like to be on medication. Period. However, it is now the 6th day and I am starting to feel normal. Or maybe what my new "normal" is. If I have to be on medication forever, I can deal. As long as I am healthy and do not have to experience what I experienced a few weekends ago, it's all good.

So, what is wrong with me?

On Thursday, I had to get an EEG done. I had a seizure last weekend and they are trying to figure out why I had one. The lady was really nice, thankfully. She complimented my hair and told me she was going to place a cap on my head. After she did that, she put tiny circles in my hair and then applied a goop-like substance to the circles so that she could put the electrodes on. She told me that I had to lay still for about 30 minutes in the dark. So, she turned out the lights and I was told to do some deep breathing exercises. Easy at first, but by the end, I was about ready to pass out. Then, a strobe light was placed in front of my eyes. There were a series of patterns from the strobe light..this was not a fun experience!!! I was so glad when it was all over. After she wiped the goop out of my hair, I was free to go! Unfortunately I had to go back to work with two bullseyes on my forehead!

Today, I had my appointment with Dr. Huang, the neurologist. He was pretty nice. He tested my eyes, reflexes, etc.. and had me do all these hopping and balance exercises. I passed all of them and we then talked about what happened last weekend. He told me that even though we don't have all the test results back that I need to go on medication to control my seizures. I am not very thrilled about this, but I do agree that it is what must happen. So today I begin taking my pills. Next Friday I have an MRI scheduled to see if they can see anything else that may be causing this.

Life is full of so many unexpected things. I never in a million years would have thought something like this could happen to me. Hopefully the doctors get to the bottom of it and the medicine will make me seizure-free!

My trip to the hospital (s)!

When I went to bed Friday night, it was like any other Friday night. I went to sleep while Brian stayed up and watched tv. I got up once to use the bathroom as I usually do. But, when I woke up, I was shocked to see three paramedics in the room with me. I remember them asking me all sorts of questions that I couldn't answer, such as the date, the year, etc...the only question I could answer was who Brian was. They kept telling me that I had a seizure. I just remember thinking, what????? I guess they led me down the steps (which I do not remember) into the ambulance. Brian said that he would follow us there.

The next few hours are a whirlwind of confusion. Brian's parents came to the hospital, my dad, my mom, and aunt dot. Unfortunately my mom had to cut her trip to Lake Erie short to be with me! They did a series of tests, but did not find anything other than a urinary tract infection which I thought I had anyway. After a few hours, I was transferred to Akron City. My mom stopped home and brought me some toiletries and clothing that I really needed!! I had more blood taken, etc....and they told me I had to stay overnight. By this point it was dinner time and I had not eaten ALL day! So I ordered a turkey sandwich, cookies, a chocolate milkshake, a salad, cookies, and apple crisp. My family stayed for a while longer and then left. Brian and his mom were the last ones there and I found out a little more about what happened before the paramedics came. Apparently I was convulsing in the bed. My whole body was shaking and my eyes were open. Brian said that he rolled me to the side and blood poured out of my mouth. (this was from chewing up my tongue, but he didn't realize that at the time! He thought I was dying!) So, then he called 911.

After everyone left, I was left alone with my magazines and tv. Eventually I shut everything off and went to bed. Unfortunately, the nurses kept coming in every few hours to check on me, take my bp, etc... so I didn't get much sleep. Around 7:30ish, Dr. Dahlen came in and said that he could schedule the other tests as outpatient procedures and that I didn't need to stay another night. I was overjoyed!!! So I called my mom and was wheeled out to her car. I felt fine all day on Sunday aside from not being able to eat anything hard or spicy and my whole body feeling like I worked out for 10 hours.

So, now I wait to get in for more tests so they can figure out what is wrong with me.

Happy Three Year Anniversary!

Brian and I celebrated our three year anniversary together on July 1, 2009. Hard to believe we've been together for three years already! We decided to go out to Hibatchi Japan--one of our fave restaurants for dinner! We split some sushi that was delicious! He got steak and shrimp and I got chicken and shrimp. Then for dessert, we made Rice Krispies with peanut butter and chocolate chips in them. We ended the evening by listening to the cd I made him while we played Rummy. It was a really nice night!