Well, another year has come to an end! It is New Year's Eve 2008!! Tonight I'll be ringing in the New Year with Brian and a few friends. I won't be with everyone I wanted to be with tonight, but that is what cell phone are for!! I wish everyone a happy and healthy New Year!!
I have hopes and dreams for 2009. I hope that 2009 is a year of change. I should have my credit card paid off in about 4 months and will officially be debt-free! (except for my student loans!) I am hoping Brian's house will sell or they will figure out some way for him to get out of this awful situation and that someone puts his ex in her place!! I will only be working one job this year which will allow me more time to be with friends and family, as well as do some things that I want to do! I just bought new running shoes so I can get back into working out! I'd like to learn something new this year...like guitar. I want to start reading before I go to bed again. I'm going to make more "me" time where I will go out for coffee alone, or maybe take a class. I hope to manage my stress better..maybe I'll try yoga or some kind of meditation. I'd love to get back into church. I'd like to get out on my own, whether it is my own place or a place with Brian. I'm going to enjoy life more and all that is has to offer. Lastly, I hope that everyone in my family finds what they are looking for, whether it's a new place to live, new job, or a new hobby.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Getting closer to 30!
As my 30th birthday quickly approaches, I am wondering more and more where my life is headed. I am very fortunate in the fact that I have so many amazing people in my life. I have a large, supportive family, great friends, and a wonderful boyfriend. I always have someone to talk to or confide in, no matter where I am at. I have never felt truly alone, because I know that a family member or friend is either at the house, or just a phone call away. I really couldn't ask for more.
But at the same time, I look at all the changes that I still need to make. I'm not where I want to be at this point in my life and have had my share of both ups and downs over the past few years. Just when I think something is going the way I want it to, I find out that I've hit another road block and need to come up with another plan. There are so many unexpected twists and turns throughout life and you have to be prepared to handle whatever comes your way, whether it is positive or negative. As Forest Gump says, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Silly as it sounds, it's true. We're almost in a new year. And a new year means new beginnings. I'd like to start out 2009 on a positive note. So, the first thing I'm doing is eliminating my part-time job. I have come to this decision after a lot of thought and believe it is the right one. Unfortunately, I really enjoy spending time with the kids there, especially the little ones. I will miss them and I know they will wonder why I am leaving them. But, I really need to focus on some other things...like me! :)
Hopefully everything else will fall into place after that. Maybe I'll get a job making more money. Maybe Brian's house will sell. Maybe I'll get married in a few years. Maybe I'll have kids. After all, I am almost 30!
But at the same time, I look at all the changes that I still need to make. I'm not where I want to be at this point in my life and have had my share of both ups and downs over the past few years. Just when I think something is going the way I want it to, I find out that I've hit another road block and need to come up with another plan. There are so many unexpected twists and turns throughout life and you have to be prepared to handle whatever comes your way, whether it is positive or negative. As Forest Gump says, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Silly as it sounds, it's true. We're almost in a new year. And a new year means new beginnings. I'd like to start out 2009 on a positive note. So, the first thing I'm doing is eliminating my part-time job. I have come to this decision after a lot of thought and believe it is the right one. Unfortunately, I really enjoy spending time with the kids there, especially the little ones. I will miss them and I know they will wonder why I am leaving them. But, I really need to focus on some other things...like me! :)
Hopefully everything else will fall into place after that. Maybe I'll get a job making more money. Maybe Brian's house will sell. Maybe I'll get married in a few years. Maybe I'll have kids. After all, I am almost 30!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
We all need to feel special
There are always so many things that happen in my day (good and bad) but today, I was reminded of why I became a teacher..my love of children.
As I was leaving, I saw a girl in one of the classes crying. I knew that she had gotten in trouble for doing something, based on her reaction and what was going on around her. But, she was so sad and all she wanted was her mom. As I looked at her, I thought about how much time she actually gets to spend with her mom each day, and thought that it was probably very little. I could not walk away from her, so I went over to her and picked her up, sat on the bench, and held her. I rocked her and talked to her until she calmed down and then took her down the hall to look at some of the books that were displayed, and then back to the classroom. When I told her that it was time for me to go, but she told me, "No, Miss Amy, please don't go!" How could I say no to that? So, I sat down and drew her two pictures...one of a Christmas tree, and the other a picture (of me) at her request! This little girl was so happy I was spending time with her. I promised her that I would spend more time with her tomorrow. She smiled, gave me a hug, and I walked out the door.
Little did this girl know that as I was comforting her, she was comforting me.
As I was leaving, I saw a girl in one of the classes crying. I knew that she had gotten in trouble for doing something, based on her reaction and what was going on around her. But, she was so sad and all she wanted was her mom. As I looked at her, I thought about how much time she actually gets to spend with her mom each day, and thought that it was probably very little. I could not walk away from her, so I went over to her and picked her up, sat on the bench, and held her. I rocked her and talked to her until she calmed down and then took her down the hall to look at some of the books that were displayed, and then back to the classroom. When I told her that it was time for me to go, but she told me, "No, Miss Amy, please don't go!" How could I say no to that? So, I sat down and drew her two pictures...one of a Christmas tree, and the other a picture (of me) at her request! This little girl was so happy I was spending time with her. I promised her that I would spend more time with her tomorrow. She smiled, gave me a hug, and I walked out the door.
Little did this girl know that as I was comforting her, she was comforting me.
A Time to be Jolly!
December is one of my favorite months. And with all the horrible things going on with the state of our economy, it is important to appreciate the little things. So, here are the things that make me JOLLY this month!!
1. Christmas music!!
2. Staying in and curling up on the couch with Brian.
3. Drinking endless cups of coffee to stay warm and feeling GREAT after it!
4. Staying in my robe and slippers all day.
5. Special drinks like hot rum and cider, bailey's, and eggnog!
6. Making Christmas cookies...I think my mom is glad I took over!
7. The fireplace.
8. Cyber shopping=no crowds!!
9. Eating tons and not feeling guilt about it.
10. Christmas Eve "midnight" mass.
11. Time off work!
12. Gift exchanges.
13. Getting and sending Christmas cards.
14. Christmas specials like "Rudolph", "Charlie Brown" and "Frosty!"
15. Spending more time with friends.
16. Great sales in the stores.
17. Getting to see and spend time with my family.
1. Christmas music!!
2. Staying in and curling up on the couch with Brian.
3. Drinking endless cups of coffee to stay warm and feeling GREAT after it!
4. Staying in my robe and slippers all day.
5. Special drinks like hot rum and cider, bailey's, and eggnog!
6. Making Christmas cookies...I think my mom is glad I took over!
7. The fireplace.
8. Cyber shopping=no crowds!!
9. Eating tons and not feeling guilt about it.
10. Christmas Eve "midnight" mass.
11. Time off work!
12. Gift exchanges.
13. Getting and sending Christmas cards.
14. Christmas specials like "Rudolph", "Charlie Brown" and "Frosty!"
15. Spending more time with friends.
16. Great sales in the stores.
17. Getting to see and spend time with my family.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
The Last One
I am now the last "single girl" of my group of girlfriends. I'm lucky to have found my soulmate and I know the day will come when I will get married. Hopefully it will happen sooner, rather than later! :)
Monday, October 27, 2008
Blogging on a chilly evening...
It's Monday night. I'm watching the news..always a depressing thing. I'm drinking a Stewart's Cherries 'n Cream, leftover from Katy's birthday celebration on Friday night. I just boiled some eggs and am about to make an egg salad sandwich...yum! Oh, how I am loving my alone time right now.
Mom had surgery last week and is recovering. (and will be for awhile) She seems to be doing pretty well, so that's good. I've been checking in on her and making sure the house is semi-clean. And it has been, as long as Mike isn't around!
With all that is going on in my life, I have become obsessed with something.... paying my credit card off!! Honestly, it's really the only thing I have to look forward to at this point in my life. I've come to the realization that Brian's house probably won't sell, and if it does, it'll be years from now. So, why should I sit here and wait for something that might not happen for a very long time? Why should I be punished for something that has nothing to do with me? So, after I get my debt under control...which should be in about 6 months if all goes well, then I hope to move out on my own. If Brian's house sells by then, great! But if not, I can't just sit here and wait. I don't think it is fair to me or to him for this to be happening, but there is nothing either one of us can do. So, maybe when his house sells, he can move in with me, instead of me moving in with him years down the road. Brian knows all of this, and he understands. We just wish something would happen so we can finally start our lives together. After all, I am almost 30!! :)
As far as the job thing goes..who knows. I'm honestly at a loss right now about what to do with my life. I'd love to be a stay-at-home mom someday, but I'm realistic and I know that probably won't ever happen. And I know that the teaching thing is out unless I move. So, what else is there? I'm always searching, always looking. I can't afford to go back to school right now. So, I'm busting my butt working 2 jobs and still not making any money. I don't know. It was so much easier when I was in college, I had no worries. I miss those days. Maybe I'll win the lottery! :)
Mom had surgery last week and is recovering. (and will be for awhile) She seems to be doing pretty well, so that's good. I've been checking in on her and making sure the house is semi-clean. And it has been, as long as Mike isn't around!
With all that is going on in my life, I have become obsessed with something.... paying my credit card off!! Honestly, it's really the only thing I have to look forward to at this point in my life. I've come to the realization that Brian's house probably won't sell, and if it does, it'll be years from now. So, why should I sit here and wait for something that might not happen for a very long time? Why should I be punished for something that has nothing to do with me? So, after I get my debt under control...which should be in about 6 months if all goes well, then I hope to move out on my own. If Brian's house sells by then, great! But if not, I can't just sit here and wait. I don't think it is fair to me or to him for this to be happening, but there is nothing either one of us can do. So, maybe when his house sells, he can move in with me, instead of me moving in with him years down the road. Brian knows all of this, and he understands. We just wish something would happen so we can finally start our lives together. After all, I am almost 30!! :)
As far as the job thing goes..who knows. I'm honestly at a loss right now about what to do with my life. I'd love to be a stay-at-home mom someday, but I'm realistic and I know that probably won't ever happen. And I know that the teaching thing is out unless I move. So, what else is there? I'm always searching, always looking. I can't afford to go back to school right now. So, I'm busting my butt working 2 jobs and still not making any money. I don't know. It was so much easier when I was in college, I had no worries. I miss those days. Maybe I'll win the lottery! :)
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Things to be happy about right now!
I thought I'd change it up a bit and post something happy and refreshing! :) We all need our spirits lifted every now and then. The economy is bad, we're stressed, and most of us are extremely strapped for cash, so let's put that aside and think about something positive...what makes us happy! Here is what makes me happy right now, in no particular order.
1. Good music! There's nothing like sitting down and relaxing to some good music. I love all music (especially country!) but I've been listening to Bob Marley a lot lately...he keeps telling me that "every little thing, is gonna be alright!" and that gives me hope. Thanks Bob!
2. Long sleeve t-shirts. They are my favorite!!! I love to pair it with a cute lacy tank underneathe.
3. Pumpkin, pumpkin, and more pumpkin! I am lovin pumpkin pie, pumpkin roll, pumpkin bread, you name it! Tis' the season! (Plus pumpkin has many health benefits!)
4. McDonald's monopoly. Ok, it may not be the best idea I've ever had, but now I look forward to getting my am coffee even more! If only I could stop getting the same pieces over and over again. At least I've only eaten one big mac so far...
5. Black Squirrels. I thought that they were only a Hiram/Kent thing, but lately I've seen a few in my backyard. It's sweet.
6. Bubble baths! Now that it's getting cooler out, what better way to relax than to take a bubble bath!
7. The election is almost over! I don't know about you, but I am so tired of all this political mumbo jumbo. I cannot wait for it all to be over!!
8. Gas prices. I filled my tank today for $22! Now that, is awesome!
9. Christmas is around the corner. How can you not be jolly at Christmas?
10. Chilli. I think I may make some very soon. So good!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
My So-Called Life
It's been awhile since Ive been able to update my blog and I apologize to all of my readers that I've been slacking on this! I'm sitting here, finally relaxing after another long work week. The tv is on, although I'm not really watching it. Katy is in the chair, also playing on her computer. Lacey is sitting by me on the couch, snoring away, because we know that she's put in a stressful day. I'm smiling, probably for the first time all day. I'm glad just to be at home, resting and not worrying about anything...for now.
Lately, I've had a lot of trouble with..let's just say my "mental health." I've been pretty open with everyone about my anxiety issues because I don't feel ashamed or that I should try to hide anything. I also think that it is good for me to talk about them, as my thoughts and feelings may not ony help myself, but other people who may be going through the same thing. I've had them my whole life, and usually I am ok. But in the past few weeks, I have not been ok.
I have always been one to overstress and overanalyze everything. It's just who I am. I try to be the best friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter, and employee I can, which leads to me being overwhelmed and overstressed.
Since January, I have been working two jobs. But in the past few months, I have been working more than usual. I decided that I wanted to get my credit card paid off as soon as possible. So, I have been putting in 60 hour weeks. I get up at 6:15,get dressed and get to work at 7. I leave job #1 at 3:30, go home, change, eat a PB & J sandwich, and go to job #2 until 9 on most nights. I'm starting to finally make some money. I often work Fridays or Saturdays. I thought I wouldn't get too tired (hah!) or stressed. (yeah right!) I also have other stresses going on in my life. So, I guess I should have known it would catch up with me and a few weeks ago it did.
I had not had a "panic attack" in quite awhile. If you have ever had them, you know how awful they are. It feels like you may stop breathing at any minute and you are so nervous and you don't even know what about. You sweat. You can't swallow. You're afraid you will die. Brian and I were sitting on the couch watching football, and I felt it coming on. At first, I was afraid he would have to take me to the hospital, but I knew that it would eventually pass. So I laid there at Brian's. He checked on me often, until I told him he could stay with me for awhile. He was so good about it although scared cause he had never seen me like hat. It did pass the next morning. But, why would it happen when I was finally relaxing? Why did it have to happen on a Saturday night when I was enjoying myself? Apparently, it can happen anytime, anywhere. Since then, I have been extremely anxious. Anxious it may happen again, or just anxious. I don't like feeling fearful or feeling like I can't get out of bed. Something has got to change...
I know that I need to cut back and slow down. I need to work, there's no way around that. And I need to relax! It's just hard to do when I have so much going on in my head. Will I ever move out? Will Brian's house ever sell? Will I ever make any money? Will I ever get married? Have kids? I am pushing myself to be everything to everyone and not doing anything for myself. Finding time to even shower during the week is a job in itself! :)
I do not take any medication and would prefer it that way. I am going to look into alternative ways to deal with my stress and anxiety issues. If anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it. I think I am going to go back to church. Maybe try yoga? My dad says I that I should give myself pep talks and remind myself that I am a good person. (which I know!) My mom says I need to cut back on work. Basically, I need to make more time for myself and do more for myself.
Everyone has something they have to deal with. And this, is what I have to deal with. I can either do something about it, or let it eat me alive. I am choosing to do something about it.
Lately, I've had a lot of trouble with..let's just say my "mental health." I've been pretty open with everyone about my anxiety issues because I don't feel ashamed or that I should try to hide anything. I also think that it is good for me to talk about them, as my thoughts and feelings may not ony help myself, but other people who may be going through the same thing. I've had them my whole life, and usually I am ok. But in the past few weeks, I have not been ok.
I have always been one to overstress and overanalyze everything. It's just who I am. I try to be the best friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter, and employee I can, which leads to me being overwhelmed and overstressed.
Since January, I have been working two jobs. But in the past few months, I have been working more than usual. I decided that I wanted to get my credit card paid off as soon as possible. So, I have been putting in 60 hour weeks. I get up at 6:15,get dressed and get to work at 7. I leave job #1 at 3:30, go home, change, eat a PB & J sandwich, and go to job #2 until 9 on most nights. I'm starting to finally make some money. I often work Fridays or Saturdays. I thought I wouldn't get too tired (hah!) or stressed. (yeah right!) I also have other stresses going on in my life. So, I guess I should have known it would catch up with me and a few weeks ago it did.
I had not had a "panic attack" in quite awhile. If you have ever had them, you know how awful they are. It feels like you may stop breathing at any minute and you are so nervous and you don't even know what about. You sweat. You can't swallow. You're afraid you will die. Brian and I were sitting on the couch watching football, and I felt it coming on. At first, I was afraid he would have to take me to the hospital, but I knew that it would eventually pass. So I laid there at Brian's. He checked on me often, until I told him he could stay with me for awhile. He was so good about it although scared cause he had never seen me like hat. It did pass the next morning. But, why would it happen when I was finally relaxing? Why did it have to happen on a Saturday night when I was enjoying myself? Apparently, it can happen anytime, anywhere. Since then, I have been extremely anxious. Anxious it may happen again, or just anxious. I don't like feeling fearful or feeling like I can't get out of bed. Something has got to change...
I know that I need to cut back and slow down. I need to work, there's no way around that. And I need to relax! It's just hard to do when I have so much going on in my head. Will I ever move out? Will Brian's house ever sell? Will I ever make any money? Will I ever get married? Have kids? I am pushing myself to be everything to everyone and not doing anything for myself. Finding time to even shower during the week is a job in itself! :)
I do not take any medication and would prefer it that way. I am going to look into alternative ways to deal with my stress and anxiety issues. If anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it. I think I am going to go back to church. Maybe try yoga? My dad says I that I should give myself pep talks and remind myself that I am a good person. (which I know!) My mom says I need to cut back on work. Basically, I need to make more time for myself and do more for myself.
Everyone has something they have to deal with. And this, is what I have to deal with. I can either do something about it, or let it eat me alive. I am choosing to do something about it.
Alzheimer's Memory Walk 2008
On Saturday, October 4th, the Wilson Clan participated in the Alzheimer's Memory Walk. It was a little chilly, but the Wilson Clan was ready and excited to walk! Mom, Katy, me, Brian, Aunt Martha and Uncle Dan, Aunt Dot, and Aunt Susie raised $2,500!!! Amy Paulus also helped to raise over $100 for our team! This was my third year and I plan to walk every year! We have to find a cure for this horrible disease!! Take a look at the pics from Memory Walk '08!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
New Posts Coming Soon...
Sorry for the gap between posts! I promise more are coming soon...I have lots to write about!! I have been so insanely busy (insane is a good word because that is pretty much how I feel right now!) these past few weeks. Look for upcoming blogs about the Memory Walk, What's Happening In My Life, and various other points of interest. Stay tuned.....
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
You know you're a grown up when...
1. You would rather stay in instead of going out. And...you feel old being around all those young kids!!!
2. You go to bed earlier. And wake up earlier.
3. You realize that people that are only a couple of years younger than you cannot always relate to you because they don't have the life experiences that you do.
4. You read the paper every day.
5. You watch the weather channel. Even if the weather is not affecting you at the moment.
6. Sitting on the porch is fun!
7. All of your friends are married.
8. You now know why your parents nagged you when you were younger.
9. You don't care if you look horrible, but go shopping anyway.
10. You realize you have to plan for your future...now!
11. You listen to talk radio.
12. You stop getting carded.
13. If you don't need something, you put it back on the shelf instead of buying it.
14. You realize that family is everything.
15. You start to buy anti-aging products, even if you don't really need them yet.
16. The thought of living in a dorm again turns your stomach.
17. You drink coffee because you enjoy it, not because it is the cool thing to do.
18. You inspect your face every day for wrinkles.
19. Your youngest sibling goes off to college.
20. You learn that you have to take care of you.
2. You go to bed earlier. And wake up earlier.
3. You realize that people that are only a couple of years younger than you cannot always relate to you because they don't have the life experiences that you do.
4. You read the paper every day.
5. You watch the weather channel. Even if the weather is not affecting you at the moment.
6. Sitting on the porch is fun!
7. All of your friends are married.
8. You now know why your parents nagged you when you were younger.
9. You don't care if you look horrible, but go shopping anyway.
10. You realize you have to plan for your future...now!
11. You listen to talk radio.
12. You stop getting carded.
13. If you don't need something, you put it back on the shelf instead of buying it.
14. You realize that family is everything.
15. You start to buy anti-aging products, even if you don't really need them yet.
16. The thought of living in a dorm again turns your stomach.
17. You drink coffee because you enjoy it, not because it is the cool thing to do.
18. You inspect your face every day for wrinkles.
19. Your youngest sibling goes off to college.
20. You learn that you have to take care of you.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Back to reality
As I sit here on a Wednesday afternoon drinking my coffee and eating a slice of pumpkin roll, there are lots of thoughts going through my head. Let me begin with the events of last week.
My grandmother, who had been battling Alzheimer's disease for the last 10 years was put into Hospice. My mom, along with her brothers and sisters, were with her every day. They took shifts so that someone would always be there and that she wasn't alone. They took turns doing dinners and keeping each other company through the whole ordeal. After realizing that she was going to pass away quickly, I decided that I needed to see her at least once before she did...even if she didn't know who I was and I knew it'd be hard. So, I left work on Tuesday to see her. My beautiful, graceful grandmother was laying in bed asleep. My uncle Jerry was there, watching tennis of course, and just sitting by her side. I didn't stay long, but decided right then and there that I would try to help and support the family as best I could.
I have a part time job that I was supposed to work at all last week. I knew it would be hard to get out of, but really, what is more important, being with your family or working a part-time job? So, I told my boss that I needed to cut back my hours because of what was going on. The next day, Wednesday, she let me leave 2 hours early. Thankfully, I went right over to Hospice to see my family and grandmother. Each day, we thought that would be it, but to the amazement of everyone around her, she kept holding on. She was a tough woman! Thursday I went to pick my sister Katy up from Kent and went over to Hospice again. This would be the final time I would see my grandmother. My mom stayed there over night along with the aunts and uncles and lots of wine! The nurses joked that "this was the place to be!" I offered to get more wine for them, but they said they were good. We gave our mom a hug, said our goodbyes, and left. All day Friday at work I checked my phone expecting to hear from my mom. Then finally, around 3, my sister Katy texted me to call my mom and I knew that she had passed away.
I of course was not up for my part time job again and was it ever difficult to get out of! Anyway, I didn't have to go in so my WONDERFUL boyfriend Brian came over to see us. He even brought my mom a plant. My mom, Brian, Katy, Eric, and I went out for Mexican. A pitcher of margaritas and very full stomaches later, we were feeling a little better. Sad, but better.
The rest of the weekened we kind of just hung out...I spent half the weekend at my house, half at Brian's, but he was with me the whole time. I even got Lacey in for a haircut. The groomers said she was so good and so cute. Watched the Buckeyes and Browns, went to Zach's pancreatic cancer fundraiser, and relaxed.
Monday night were the calling hours. There were so many people that came to support our family. It was nice to see old family and friends. Grandma looked peaceful, and actually there was almost a sense of relief that she WAS finally at peace and not in pain misery anymore. We knew that she was happy with her Ralph up in heaven.
The funeral was held Tuesday morning. It was cloudy/rainy of course...how fitting? Held at St. Vincent St. Mary, it was a very nice service. Uncle Paul gave a wonderful eulogy. The burial was at Holy Cross Cemetary where we all sang "Amazing Grace." Brian said, "Wow, you guys sound like a choir." We are a very musically talented family! :) After it was over, the sky cleared and the sun came out. We went over to Aunt Dot's house where we all acted like we hadn't eaten in 2 days! Then it was all over and now it is back to the real world.
So, all of this has made me realize many things...
1. Life is precious!! You don't know what's going to happen today, or tomorrow!
2. You should live each day to the fullest.
3. You should not stress about little things. (which I have to get better at!)
4. Family is everything! You should always be there for your family because you would want them to be there for you!
5. Have faith! The one thing that made my grandmother's death a little easier is because she had strong faith and so does our family! We know she is up there with Grandpa smiling down on us.
6. If you are not happy, you should find a way to make yourself happy! Life is too short to always be unhappy!
7. Ignore those people that try to make you feel bad about yourself. We are better than that!
8. Be a good person! Just try to be nice to people around you and maybe they'll be nice to you!
9. Don't abandon your hobbies/beliefs/values! If you like doing something, do it! Don't let other people hold you back becaue they don't enjoy it.
10. Good friends are hard to find! I am blessed that I have some GREAT friends. As I get older, it is more apparent to be who my true friends are. I consider my friends, my family!
So now, it's back to reality. Am I changed? I think so. There are some things I think I need to do, but haven't yet. Hopefully I can find the courage and strength to do what I have to do.
My grandmother, who had been battling Alzheimer's disease for the last 10 years was put into Hospice. My mom, along with her brothers and sisters, were with her every day. They took shifts so that someone would always be there and that she wasn't alone. They took turns doing dinners and keeping each other company through the whole ordeal. After realizing that she was going to pass away quickly, I decided that I needed to see her at least once before she did...even if she didn't know who I was and I knew it'd be hard. So, I left work on Tuesday to see her. My beautiful, graceful grandmother was laying in bed asleep. My uncle Jerry was there, watching tennis of course, and just sitting by her side. I didn't stay long, but decided right then and there that I would try to help and support the family as best I could.
I have a part time job that I was supposed to work at all last week. I knew it would be hard to get out of, but really, what is more important, being with your family or working a part-time job? So, I told my boss that I needed to cut back my hours because of what was going on. The next day, Wednesday, she let me leave 2 hours early. Thankfully, I went right over to Hospice to see my family and grandmother. Each day, we thought that would be it, but to the amazement of everyone around her, she kept holding on. She was a tough woman! Thursday I went to pick my sister Katy up from Kent and went over to Hospice again. This would be the final time I would see my grandmother. My mom stayed there over night along with the aunts and uncles and lots of wine! The nurses joked that "this was the place to be!" I offered to get more wine for them, but they said they were good. We gave our mom a hug, said our goodbyes, and left. All day Friday at work I checked my phone expecting to hear from my mom. Then finally, around 3, my sister Katy texted me to call my mom and I knew that she had passed away.
I of course was not up for my part time job again and was it ever difficult to get out of! Anyway, I didn't have to go in so my WONDERFUL boyfriend Brian came over to see us. He even brought my mom a plant. My mom, Brian, Katy, Eric, and I went out for Mexican. A pitcher of margaritas and very full stomaches later, we were feeling a little better. Sad, but better.
The rest of the weekened we kind of just hung out...I spent half the weekend at my house, half at Brian's, but he was with me the whole time. I even got Lacey in for a haircut. The groomers said she was so good and so cute. Watched the Buckeyes and Browns, went to Zach's pancreatic cancer fundraiser, and relaxed.
Monday night were the calling hours. There were so many people that came to support our family. It was nice to see old family and friends. Grandma looked peaceful, and actually there was almost a sense of relief that she WAS finally at peace and not in pain misery anymore. We knew that she was happy with her Ralph up in heaven.
The funeral was held Tuesday morning. It was cloudy/rainy of course...how fitting? Held at St. Vincent St. Mary, it was a very nice service. Uncle Paul gave a wonderful eulogy. The burial was at Holy Cross Cemetary where we all sang "Amazing Grace." Brian said, "Wow, you guys sound like a choir." We are a very musically talented family! :) After it was over, the sky cleared and the sun came out. We went over to Aunt Dot's house where we all acted like we hadn't eaten in 2 days! Then it was all over and now it is back to the real world.
So, all of this has made me realize many things...
1. Life is precious!! You don't know what's going to happen today, or tomorrow!
2. You should live each day to the fullest.
3. You should not stress about little things. (which I have to get better at!)
4. Family is everything! You should always be there for your family because you would want them to be there for you!
5. Have faith! The one thing that made my grandmother's death a little easier is because she had strong faith and so does our family! We know she is up there with Grandpa smiling down on us.
6. If you are not happy, you should find a way to make yourself happy! Life is too short to always be unhappy!
7. Ignore those people that try to make you feel bad about yourself. We are better than that!
8. Be a good person! Just try to be nice to people around you and maybe they'll be nice to you!
9. Don't abandon your hobbies/beliefs/values! If you like doing something, do it! Don't let other people hold you back becaue they don't enjoy it.
10. Good friends are hard to find! I am blessed that I have some GREAT friends. As I get older, it is more apparent to be who my true friends are. I consider my friends, my family!
So now, it's back to reality. Am I changed? I think so. There are some things I think I need to do, but haven't yet. Hopefully I can find the courage and strength to do what I have to do.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Lacey
Last night around 1:30 am, I heard something in my room. I looked and saw that it was Lacey! I was shocked that she even went up my stairs (my bedroom is in the attic, so she usually doesn't go up there!) But there she was, tail wagging, trying to jump up on my bed! I picked her up and put her at the bottom of my bed. She had a good day yesterday and another good one today. Maybe it was because my room is air conditioned, or maybe it's because she just knows I want her to be around me as much as possible. I love that little mutt!!!
Monday, September 1, 2008
What a weekend...
Last week, my mom had told me that Lacey had another eye infection. She had one last year, so we assumed that this was the same type of thing. So, I started puting cream in her eyes. However, she wanted no part of that and tried to bite me each time I put it in. Well, a few days later, I saw that it wasn't getting any better and that her other eye also looked really bizarre...like she was looking up and couldn't focus. I called my dad right away and he agreed that we had to get her into the vet ASAP. I stay in Twinsburg on weekends, so my dad gave me a call on Saturday morning to tell me what the vet had said. Somehow, I knew that it was not going to be good news, so I didn't answer the phone. In fact, it took me over an hour to get up the courage to call him back. Well, it was bad news. It turns out that Lacey has cataracts and glaucoma in both eyes. The reason she was biting me was because she is in so much pain. They said that her eyes could be removed...but what kind of life is that for a dog to have no eyes? Her hearing is shot as well. She is also very old and probably would not survive the surgery. In addition, she has a weak heart and arthritis. So, basically, she is going to have to be put down when her eyes get so bad and she is in too much pain. I'm hoping that it won't be for a while, but it has already progressed so far in such a short period of time that I'm afraid it will be soon.
It's so sad because she is part of our family! She's been around for half of my life and almost all of Katy's. She isn't just an animal....she's part of the Robinson Clan. I took the news pretty hard, but luckily Brian was there to comfort me...I actually think this was the first time he'd ever really seen me cry. I usually try to play tough around people even though I'm really not. This though, was too much.
In addition, my grandmother is not doing well. She was just moved to Hospice yesterday and they think that she may be close to the end. Because of her Alzheimer's, she has not known who I am in....like 10 years or so? So, it's weird because she's been with us this whole time, but at the same time, hasn't. The last time I saw her was last year when I went to visit her with my mom. She is my grandma, but I am a stranger to her. I don't feel that I ever really got a chance to know her, being part of such a huge family. I remember going shopping with her and my mom and sister occassionally when I was younger. I remember getting tons of gifts from her and my grandpa for Christmas. But, unfortunately, when you are part of such a big family, you sometimes miss out on close relationships that other people from smaller families may have. They expect her to go soon...maybe I'll get to see her before she does.
It's so sad because she is part of our family! She's been around for half of my life and almost all of Katy's. She isn't just an animal....she's part of the Robinson Clan. I took the news pretty hard, but luckily Brian was there to comfort me...I actually think this was the first time he'd ever really seen me cry. I usually try to play tough around people even though I'm really not. This though, was too much.
In addition, my grandmother is not doing well. She was just moved to Hospice yesterday and they think that she may be close to the end. Because of her Alzheimer's, she has not known who I am in....like 10 years or so? So, it's weird because she's been with us this whole time, but at the same time, hasn't. The last time I saw her was last year when I went to visit her with my mom. She is my grandma, but I am a stranger to her. I don't feel that I ever really got a chance to know her, being part of such a huge family. I remember going shopping with her and my mom and sister occassionally when I was younger. I remember getting tons of gifts from her and my grandpa for Christmas. But, unfortunately, when you are part of such a big family, you sometimes miss out on close relationships that other people from smaller families may have. They expect her to go soon...maybe I'll get to see her before she does.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Vegeterranean
On August 7th, we went to the new Chrissy Hines restaurant "Vegeterranean" (I could totally be spelling it wrong!)for Jenny's bday! If you like vegeterian, or even if you don't, you should really check this place out. The menu is really different, but everything we had was awesome!! I had fake spaghetti and meatballs and a blackberry mojito!!! Yum!! :)
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I Am Me!
I am just me.
Why should I comform?
I am unique and have enjoyed that about myself for several years now.
Doesn't that make me interesting?
I'm not into frills and lace.
I don't care about "who" I'm wearing.
I don't have to have the newest, trendiest clothes right now!
I am me!
I am laid back most times.
But if you do me wrong, look out!
I can be quiet
I can be obnoxious.
I can stress about stupid things.
Too much, in fact.
But I am me!
I am moody.
I'm a perfectionist.
I'm sensitive.
But much more than most people realize.
I am overly competitive.
I want to be the best.
My mind is always racing.
Which is why I can never relax!
I love to have fun and wish I could do it more.
I'm often tired, often anxious.
I care too much about everything,
Including things I shouldn't.
I overanalyze!!
I'm sometimes defiant!
I know I have many oddities,
But, I'm glad I'm me!
**I was recently reminded that I should not change who I am to be like those around me. Sometimes we forget how important it is to just be yourself and not worry about what everyone else thinks of you. Those that really care about you will love you for you.
Why should I comform?
I am unique and have enjoyed that about myself for several years now.
Doesn't that make me interesting?
I'm not into frills and lace.
I don't care about "who" I'm wearing.
I don't have to have the newest, trendiest clothes right now!
I am me!
I am laid back most times.
But if you do me wrong, look out!
I can be quiet
I can be obnoxious.
I can stress about stupid things.
Too much, in fact.
But I am me!
I am moody.
I'm a perfectionist.
I'm sensitive.
But much more than most people realize.
I am overly competitive.
I want to be the best.
My mind is always racing.
Which is why I can never relax!
I love to have fun and wish I could do it more.
I'm often tired, often anxious.
I care too much about everything,
Including things I shouldn't.
I overanalyze!!
I'm sometimes defiant!
I know I have many oddities,
But, I'm glad I'm me!
**I was recently reminded that I should not change who I am to be like those around me. Sometimes we forget how important it is to just be yourself and not worry about what everyone else thinks of you. Those that really care about you will love you for you.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
What does the future hold for me?
When I graduated from Hiram College in 2001, I thought that I had life all figured out and that I would get a good teaching job and move out on my own. Well, it's 2008 and so far, none of those things has happened. I guess I wasn't really prepared for "the real world" like I thought I was. At Hiram it as almost like I was in little bubble that was protecting me from what life would bring me. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved Hiram and all the people there, but it just makes me wonder how much college really prepares you for what lies ahead.
Let me begin with the job stuff. Ever since I was young, I wanted to be a teacher. It has always been my ultimate dream and I never would have imagined in a million years that it was something I would never be able to accomplish. No one told me it would be next to impossible to get a job in this area seven years ago. So after I graduated I subbed (which I hated!!) for a few years. I then landed a part-time job at Sylvan Learning Center and then as a tutor in one of the elementary schools. I thought for sure I'd have an in and get into the Falls schools. After all, I did have a relative working there. During the last month of school, the superintendent came to visit and handed me a letter stating that they would not be renewing my contract and I would not be getting a teaching job the next year. All the teachers were outraged. I gave this district three years of my life and they still would not hire me? If working in the district and having connections doesn't get you in, what does?
After that, I decided I did not want to go back to subbing, so I decided I would start applying at day-care centers since they always seemed to be hiring and it was sort of in my field. The day after I applied, I got phone calls from two places...one at Kindercare in Macedonia and one at Childtime in the falls. There was a difference in pay, but since I lived only 5 minutes away from Childtime, I decided to go there. (and with gas prices the way they are now, I'm glad I did!!) After about six months of working there, I got offered a full-time position at Sylvan Learning Center so I quit Childtime. When that position turned out to be a bust, I went back to Childtime and have been there ever since. During this time, I let my teaching license expire. After some thought, I decided that I wanted to renew it just in case I still wanted to apply for teaching jobs. So, I spent almost $6000 (that I put on my credit card) to renew my license. Well guess what? I still couldn't get a teaching job. Last January I started working part-time at Sylvan Learning Center in Stow. So now I have two jobs, but do I want to have to work two (maybe three) jobs for the rest of my life?
I suppose I should feel lucky that I even have one job in this economy. I have health insurance, 401k, vacation, sick time, etc..so I can't complain about that! However, I'm 29 years old and still live with my mom! I am educated and responsible, but am not making the money that I need to. I love working with kids of course, but maybe it's time I go in a new direction with my life.
Yesterday I completed my application for Kent State. I applied to the Nutrition and Dietitics program. It is something I've been interested in for a long time and I think I could be really good at it. They pay is also really good! I just feel like life is passing me by and I am going nowhere. It is time for a change!
Lots of people ask me, well why don't you just move in with Brian or get married? Well, we hope to get married in a few years, but he is currently still trying to sell his house. It is a very messy situation because his ex is still paying her half of the mortgage each month and legally I cannot move in there without her taking him to court. He has been nearly sued I think three times due to this house situation and the last thing I want to do is cause more trouble for him. So basically he is stuck in a house he can't afford and does not want to live in and I am stuck living at home. The housing market is awful and unfortunately he is in a very bad situation and there is nothing he can do about it. All we can do is sit and wait for someone to make an offer!
I just wonder, where will we be in a few years from now....will we be happily married with good jobs and maybe kids? Or will we still be where we are at right now? I really hope that our luck turns around. I think we deserve it!
Let me begin with the job stuff. Ever since I was young, I wanted to be a teacher. It has always been my ultimate dream and I never would have imagined in a million years that it was something I would never be able to accomplish. No one told me it would be next to impossible to get a job in this area seven years ago. So after I graduated I subbed (which I hated!!) for a few years. I then landed a part-time job at Sylvan Learning Center and then as a tutor in one of the elementary schools. I thought for sure I'd have an in and get into the Falls schools. After all, I did have a relative working there. During the last month of school, the superintendent came to visit and handed me a letter stating that they would not be renewing my contract and I would not be getting a teaching job the next year. All the teachers were outraged. I gave this district three years of my life and they still would not hire me? If working in the district and having connections doesn't get you in, what does?
After that, I decided I did not want to go back to subbing, so I decided I would start applying at day-care centers since they always seemed to be hiring and it was sort of in my field. The day after I applied, I got phone calls from two places...one at Kindercare in Macedonia and one at Childtime in the falls. There was a difference in pay, but since I lived only 5 minutes away from Childtime, I decided to go there. (and with gas prices the way they are now, I'm glad I did!!) After about six months of working there, I got offered a full-time position at Sylvan Learning Center so I quit Childtime. When that position turned out to be a bust, I went back to Childtime and have been there ever since. During this time, I let my teaching license expire. After some thought, I decided that I wanted to renew it just in case I still wanted to apply for teaching jobs. So, I spent almost $6000 (that I put on my credit card) to renew my license. Well guess what? I still couldn't get a teaching job. Last January I started working part-time at Sylvan Learning Center in Stow. So now I have two jobs, but do I want to have to work two (maybe three) jobs for the rest of my life?
I suppose I should feel lucky that I even have one job in this economy. I have health insurance, 401k, vacation, sick time, etc..so I can't complain about that! However, I'm 29 years old and still live with my mom! I am educated and responsible, but am not making the money that I need to. I love working with kids of course, but maybe it's time I go in a new direction with my life.
Yesterday I completed my application for Kent State. I applied to the Nutrition and Dietitics program. It is something I've been interested in for a long time and I think I could be really good at it. They pay is also really good! I just feel like life is passing me by and I am going nowhere. It is time for a change!
Lots of people ask me, well why don't you just move in with Brian or get married? Well, we hope to get married in a few years, but he is currently still trying to sell his house. It is a very messy situation because his ex is still paying her half of the mortgage each month and legally I cannot move in there without her taking him to court. He has been nearly sued I think three times due to this house situation and the last thing I want to do is cause more trouble for him. So basically he is stuck in a house he can't afford and does not want to live in and I am stuck living at home. The housing market is awful and unfortunately he is in a very bad situation and there is nothing he can do about it. All we can do is sit and wait for someone to make an offer!
I just wonder, where will we be in a few years from now....will we be happily married with good jobs and maybe kids? Or will we still be where we are at right now? I really hope that our luck turns around. I think we deserve it!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Fun at Geneva
Last weekend we went to Geneva-on-the-Lake! There was so much to do, we couldn't fit it all in! After we got there on Friday night, we sat around the campsite and ate dinner. Luckily our campsite was really close to the bathroom/showerhouse (which was really nice)! It started storming a bit so we walked up to the entrance where there was bar/restaurant called "A Step Up." We ended up hanging out there the rest of the evening. It was basically an attic that reminded us all of my bedroom! (hence why it was called "A Step Up") We played darts, bowled, and danced. Saturday after we got up and ate, we went to the pool for a few hours. It was cool cause there was a family pool and an adult pool. So we of course went to the adult pool, brought snacks, beverages, and rafts. After that we went to the "Firehouse Winery" where we got Cherry Smash Ups and Lunch. (taco salads!!) We also did some shopping! We then decided we wanted to go to more wineries! After that, we got dinner at "Eddies" )they have the best food and it's a 50's style restaurant!) and then went to the arcades where Brian won me a stuffed animal! We were so tired so instead of going barhopping like we planned, we went back to the campsite and watched SNL in John and Jean's camper. Sunday we got up, ate, played putt-putt, ate lunch and did more shopping. The last thing we did was go to the pool again. Of course I got a little burnt, but we had a ton of fun! Next time we go, I'd like to stay longer so we can do more stuff! Here are some pics from the weekend!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Geneva-on-the -Lake!!
This weekend Brian and I are going to Geneva-on-the Lake with my BFF Beth and her husband Mark, and Beth's mom and stepdad. I used to go with Beth's family every summer growing up, and we had some great times! I have so many good memories of the two of us playing put-put, (even though she did hit me in the face with a club once), eating at Eddie's, swimming in the lake, taco salad, watching late night tv, and playing games. As we got older, we got to experience the winery and some of the fun "townie" bars! We were always in a little cottage but this time we are camping! I am so excited to kick back and relax after a very stenuous week. It also kicks off my vacation week next week, yay!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Jamboree in the hills...Lord I love that country music!
So, after hearing about Jamboree for a few years from my boyfriend, I finally got the chance to go thanks to my Aunt Susie!! It was an experience I will never forget...the hot sun, the crowd, the hills, (and can I say HILLS!!) the spray bottles, bikini tops, guys with no shirts, tattoos, port-o-pots, pick-up trucks, and the endless drinking! It was a crazy/fun time and I'll probably go back! Take a look at some of the pics!! :)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
What I love about summer!
There's nothing like the summer time! Even though as adults we are not as "free" as when we were kids, I still look forward to it and enjoy every minute of it! What do I love about the summer?
-Sitting on the porch
-Frozen drinks
-Longer days
-Flip-flops
-Tank tops
-Lemonade
-Ponytails
-Biking
-Driving with my windows down
-Ice cream
-Sitting around a camp fire
-Festivals
-Vacations/getaways
-Drinking beer in the afternoon
-Tribe games
-Fruit salads
Sunday, July 13, 2008
I love to karaoke! :)
Yes, we all know I love to sing...especially country! Here's a clip of me singing "Strawberry Wine." I know you can't see me, but I swear it's me!! :)
Overture of 1812 at Blossom Music Center, July 4th, 2008
On July 4th, I went to Blossom Music Center for the orchestra concert and fireworks with Brian and his family. It was a lot of fun!! You can bring your own food and drinks, and sit out on the lawn and enjoy the music. It was a great way to spend the 4th! Here is an excerpt from the concert...
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Family
I come from a very large family! I am one of 5 children. Eric is the oldest, then me, next is Jenny, Mike, and Katy. We are all very different, but all get along!
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