2009 in a nutshell

2009 proved to be a very interesting year. It began much the same as other years, but certainly did not end like other years.

I vowed to get back in shape. (as I do every year!) So I began working out again and taking care of myself. I was working 2 jobs and had very little free time. I was a little stressed about not being able to see Brian or my friends as much as I wanted to. Working out too hard too quickly got the best of me and I severely strained both of my hands due to weird yoga positions. I'm a bit of an over achiever and tried to do what the other people in the class were doing...bad idea! Only recently have my hands completely recovered. That really put a damper on my getting back in shape idea.

In February, I turned the big 3-0!! I had long been dreading turning 30, but I managed to celebrate it in a big way! From celebrating with my cousin Andy, to the fiesta my family through me, to my beach party, it was a great time. I was still a little sad about leaving my 20's, but was reminded by everyone around me that I was still young. Although I had my doubts, I put on my game face and continued on...

The next few months consisted of working, hanging with friends, and going to Brian's on the weekends. Still no takers on the house. I began to wonder if it would ever sell. Here I was, with my boyfriend for almost three years wondering when we will be able to move on with our lives. Although Brian asked me to move in several times, I always declined. It is not that I don't want to live with him--I do. I just cannot live in that house. Period. Great house, great guy, but too much associated with it.

Summer came. It started off great as all summers due. Went to Hiram for Alumni Weekend, went to various parties. And then, IT happened. The moment I will never forget. Waking up to paramedics standing over me telling me I had a seizure. Riding in an ambulance to the hospital. Seeing my parents rush in making sure I was ok. Finally being released the next day wondering what the hell happened! The next few weeks I practically lived in the doctor's office. After several tests, they diagnosed me with Seizure Disorder, Aka, Epilepsy. I couldn't believe that at age 30, I was an epileptic. Yikes.

The months that followed were very difficult. I spent many days sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I was given medication--two at first, but after six weeks, was down to one. I had on energy, no motivation. I couldn't drink alcohol, or caffeine. I couldn't drive for three months. The medical bills were piling up. I had to rely on my familly, friends, or boyfriend to take me places. I was useless at work. Lucky for me, I have so many people that were there for me and helped me through all of it. It it wasn't for all of the special people in my life, I never would have gotten through it.

In September, our beloved dog, Lacey passed away after almost 17 years with us. I will never forget her and how happy she made us. She was a part of our family that can never be replaced. I hope to one day meet her again.

My mom and I started line dancing classes. I couldn't believe how much I loved it! We tried out our new dances at the annual Western Party. I caught up with some cousins there and they all came up to me and hugged me and asked how I was doing. It was really nice to know that they cared that much for me. By the end of September, I was feeling much better and was looking forward to the end of the year.

Once I was able to drive again in October, my mood began to improve, although I was still torn up about losing our Lacey. I was happier and tried to continue on with my life like nothing had ever happened. I quit my second job so I could take better care of myself. I went out with friends, slowly started drinking caffeine and some alcohol again, and tried to be the old Amy I was before my seizure.

At Thanksgiving, Jenny and Justin were able to come home. It was nice to see her and hang out with her for a few days. Sadly, we haven't seen her since, but hope to soon!

On December 4th, I received a text in the morning from dad. It said that Grandpa Robinson had passed away. I was shocked! I called him right away and could tell how upset he was. As parents usually do, he said that he was ok and didn't need me to take off work. I was hesitant, but let him know if he changed his mind, I would be with him in a second! As I was pulling in to work, he called me and asked me if I could go with him to get Grandpa's belongings. Of course I said yes and left work immediately. The funeral was nice and they did the 21 gun salute in the cemetery. Dad received the flag, and it was one of those moments you know you will never forget. We all ate dinner after the funeral and then went for a beer in honor of Grandpa. "Have a beer bud", as Grandpa always said.

Christmas and New Year's were nice. The only person missing was Jenny, but due to unfortunate circumstances, she was unable to come home. I was surrounded by lots of family and friends. I enjoyed spending extra time with Brian and hoped that maybe in 2010, his house would sell and we could get a place of our own.

As the year came to an end, I thought about all of the things that had happened in 2009. My dad had told me that although we all had a tough year, somehow it brought us closer. He was right. Sometimes it takes something bad to happen to realize all the good things you have in your life. I am very fortnate that I do have so many wonderful people in my life that truly care for me. I have a job. I have a roof over my head. It could be worse. I could have nothing. And then where would I be?

Let's hope 2010 proves to have some positive things happen---to all of us!!!

What I'm Thankful For

One week from today is Thanksgiving. It's hard to believe it is already that time of the year again! The time when families come together, food is abundant, and bargains are everywhere! As hard as this year has been for me, I am trying to stay positive and look at all the things that I have in my life. And, there really are many!

I wrote many rough drafts of this blog, but I finally decided that short and to the point was better than a long drawn out explanation. No one likes to read something that is too wordy..especially me! So, here goes! And this is not necessarily in any particular order!! :)

1. My family. I don't know where I would be without you guys. You have always been there for me, this past year more than ever. Words cannot even express what you all mean to me. I am very blessed to have you all in my life! We lost Lacey this year which was (and is still) extremely tough. But we had each each other to help us get through it.

2. Brian. For the past 3 1/2 years, he has made me happier than I have ever been. He has supported me through everything and is always there to lift my spirits. He is truly my soul mate and I am so lucky that we found each other.

3. Beth. My BFF forever and always. Almost 20 years we have been best friends. I cannot imagine her not being part of my life. We have seen each other through so much over the years and she has helped me become the person I am today.

4. My health. This is a sketchy one, but even though I recently got diagnosed with a life changing condtion, I am thankful that it is something that can be dealt with without too much trouble.

5. Food, shelter, and clothing. Pretty much explanatory!

6. My job. Even though I don't particularly like my job anymore, I am thankful that I AM working right now. Many out there are not.

Have a great Thanksgiving and think about all of the things you are thankful for!

I'm much to young to feel this damn old!

30 isn't that old, is it? I have come to the realization that I need to go backwards and start living like the young person that I am. Garth Brooks was right when he said, "I'm much to young to feel this damn old." For the past year or so, I have been living my life like an old fart. Let's think about this for a minute...
1. I get up early. Even on weekends.
2. I'm in bed by 10:00. Even on weekends.
3. The number of pills I take daily is quickly multiplying.
4. During the past month, I have bought more facial creams/moisturizers/anti-wrinkle creams etc, than I ever have in my life.
5. Pajamas are on sometimes by 6:30.
6. Lounging on the couch seems so much more appealing than going out.
7. I think about death on a daily basis. (not to worry, I'm no suicidal or anything. Just about death in general)
8. I'm already planning my retirement.
9. It is fun to hang out with seniors. Especially dancing with them.
10. I am not as concerned about my appearance as I used to be. I have kind of "let myself go" as they say.

What happened to fun Amy? I am NOT that old. Maybe it's time for her to make a return to the scene. Who wants to help me find her??

All Dogs Go To Heaven

As everyone knows, our little Lacey passed away a few weeks ago. Jenny told me that Lacey was the closest "person" she has ever lost. I pondered that for a moment, but then realized it was the same for me too. Yes, I have lost numerous friends and family members over the years. But, I kind of feel guilty that the loss of my pet is the one that has upset me the most. Is that wrong of me? Maybe it's because she was always there for me no matter what. She saw me through the worst of times. She saw me through the best of times. There's not a lot of "people" you can say that about.

So, since she passed away, I have thought about death and heaven quite a lot. I was raised Catholic and still try to follow the Catholic teachings as best I can. Granted I haven't been to church in awhile, but nonetheless, I still consider myself Catholic. I was taught that God loves every man, woman, child, and creature on this earth. Now since God loves animals as well, does that mean that our beloved pets go to heaven and are up there waiting for us?

Well, according to the Catholic faith, animals are considered to be material things that do not have souls. Animals cease to exist when they die. It states that animals do not have an eternal soul and that we won't need them in heaven because we already have all that we need.

I'm not familiar with other religions, but is this what other religions believe as well? Or is it just what Catholics believe? I'm sorry but this is NOT what I believe! I believe that our pets are up there in heaven waiting for us. That they DO go to heaven. And why wouldn't they? They are our angels here on earth.

I would love to hear what other people have to say about this topic. I believe that all dogs go to heaven. (and cats, rabbits, bird, etc...) We will meet our pets again!!

Our Little Lacey

I remember the exact day that we got Lacey. My sister Jenny and I were in Marching Band and we had a car wash that day. When we returned home, we were welcomed by an unexected visitor...a puppy! My parents surprised us with this cute little pup..a lhasa apso. She was the smallest, cutest dog I had ever seen. She did the funniest things...from hiding under the couch, to chewing up our rocking chair, and chewing on shoe laces. Her name actually came from her love of shoelaces. As Katy stated, she always had a thing for shoes. With all of us around, there were always shoes on the floor and she used them as her pillows. She was truly a Robinson...stubborn and a little clutzy. But most of all, she cared for and loved all of us equally.

Lacey hated to be alone. She always wanted to be where her family was. When we were sitting on the couch, she would want to jump up and sit with us. When we were in our beds at night, she would take turns going from bedroom to bedroom. Sometimes I would wake up to find her at the foot of my bed, staring up at me with her tail wagging. Even though I knew she would lay in the middle of the bed, I picked her up and put her in bed with me. She would always make me feel better, and somehow safer when she was there. When one of us would leave the house, she would run to the window and whine. She never wanted any of us to leave her and you could actually feel her heart breaking.

Although small, Lacey was very protective of us. She hated mailmen, UPS drivers, basically anyone that came to the door. Her bark sometimes made her seem much bigger than she actually was. However, her bark was very distinctive and depending on the pitch, we could always tell how she was feeling. It sounds weird, but it was almost like she had certain facial expressions depending on her mood. She would smile, or frown at us quite often.

As she got older, she was unable to move around as easily, but still let us know when she was hungry by licking us, or if she wanted to sit with you, or go outside. Her usual dog food was often replaced by dad's "tube steaks" or whatever leftovers we had. We found that she was sleeping a lot more. She got a little shaky. Last year the vet told us she only had a month left to live at most. Miraculously, she proved them wrong and continued to live a happy life with her family. We knew one day, she would be gone. But, none of could imagine a life without our little Lacey.

Last week I came home from work and noticed that she was laying in the kitchen and did not get up when I came home. I thought it was rather odd. My mom called to tell me that she was not doing very well, that her breathing was weird, she was having seizures, and would not eat or drink. I sat with her for awhile, and tried to give her water with a spoon. She eventually took a few licks, but that was it. A while later, she got up to walk, which was a struggle. I wanted her to eat, so I looked in the fridge and saw some ham. How shocked were we when she chowed down and ate it all up. However, she then laid back down again. Dad came over to the house and picked her up and we all sat in the living room, comforting her, and each other as best as we could. We weren't sure if she would be with us the next morning.

Friday, she was still with us! But somehow I knew that this was probably the last time we would see her. None of us were going to be home that evening, so I called dad to see if he could pick her up and take her back with him for the night. Of course he agreed. I will never forget when he took her outside and laid her in the grass. She LOVED being outside, but this time was different. She didn't get up. Finally, dad picked her up and I helped him put her in his truck. I said goodbye to her, knowing that would be the last time I would ever see her.

I was at Brian's Saturday morning when I got the phone call. I saw it was dad and let the phone ring and ring. I said to Brian, "It's my dad." Immediately he grabbed me and said "I'm here." So I picked up the phone and heard the words I was dreading. "You probably already know why I'm calling." I dealt with it as best I could, but I think now that I'm home it is harder because literally everything reminds me of her. The blankets she would lay on, where her dog bowl used to be, the gate outside..just everything. It's going to take us a long time to get over the loss of our Lacey. She was one of us. Although she is gone, she will NEVER be forgotten.

I know that she is up in heaven, playing with her new friends and thinking of her family back on earth. I hope that one day we will meet again. Actually, I KNOW that one day we will meet again. And when we do, she will look up at me with those big brown eyes, tail wagging as if to say, "What took you so long?"

Rest in peace Lacey! You will be forever loved.

21 Guns

Does anyone else still love Green Day like I do?

I've Come to Realize...

I think I have grown as a person over the past year, more so than ever.

I've come to realize that...

*Life is what you make of it.

*Family is everything. Don't ever take them for granted.

*The older I get, the more I know what I want and the less I am willing to put up witih.

*Hold on to and cherish your memories. Think of the good times, not the bad.

*Good friends are hard to come by.

*It's ok to be sad, but eventually you need to snap out of it and start living.

*You are never too old to find a new hobby.

*God has a plan for us all. Even if we can't see it.

*Do what makes you happy. Not what makes others happy.

*Let loose every once in awhile. It'll make you feel good.

*Get back to nature, it'll sooth your soul.

*Don't ever lose sight of who you are.

Please donate to the 2009 Memory Walk!

I am walking for all of those affected by this horrible disease. I lost my grandmother and great aunt to Alzheimer's. We must find a cure!!

I am determined to make a difference in the fight against Alzheimer's disease. By participating in the 2009 Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk®, I'm committed to raising awareness and funds for Alzheimer research, care and support.

Currently more than 5 million Americans have Alzheimer's, and 78 million baby boomers are at risk – unless we find a way to change the course of the disease.

I want to do my part to fight this disease, but I need to ask for your support! Please make a donation to help the Alzheimer's Association advance research into prevention, treatments and a cure for Alzheimer's. For the millions already affected by the disease, the Association offers care, education, support and resources in communities nationwide.

On behalf of the millions of Americans who are living with this disease, thank you for supporting my efforts. We're on the MOVE to end Alzheimer’s!

Please go to the webpage and sponsor me! Thanks!! :)

http://akronmemorywalk.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=306940&lis=0&kntae306940=CB2B73A323D748388CC736626AA5D225

Never get tired of watching this...so powerful!!

Tim McGraw singing "If You're Reading this." Such a good song.

God is Great, Beer is Good, and Maybe I'm Crazy

My BFF and I have been best friends since we were 11 years old. I was maid of honor in her wedding, and now am Godmother of her child. Now in order to be a Godmother, I have to be Catholic, (which I am) attend mass to show that I am faithful, and provide the church with a certificate. After calling my church to get this certificate (the church I attended my whole life, mind you) I found out that I wasn't registered and they had no record of me being there. I said, "Don't you have records of my First Communion and Confirmation?" "It doesn't matter!" said the secretary. "You need to prove that you are faithful by attending mass and donating each week." I thought that this was ridiculous...so in order to show I am faithful, I have to pay money? So I registered and began attending and paying each week. (I must add that there is nothing wrong with giving to the church. However, you should not be forced to do it or made to think that you are a bad person because you don't)I explained my aggravation to my BFF and after a month of attending mass at my church, she suggested that I switch to her church to see if it might be a better fit. She went with me to meet the new priest who I thought was wonderful. Not to mention, the church is beautful. I am very excited that I am a member now. And very excited to be a Godmother! And yes, I now am getting money deducted out of my count weekly at my new church. Because I want to. GOD IS GREAT!!

I love a good beer. However, I have learned that moderation is key. (these days!)Now, in my early 20's, I could party like a rock star. I could stay out late 4 times a week, drink however much I wanted, and be in pretty good shape the next day. I didn't care what I had to do the next day. I didn't even think about it. I was just living for the night. Now, of course I still have some brews on weekends. However, when I take that first sip, I think...."hmmmmm what am I doing tomorrow? This tastes so good, but will it be worth it in the morning? What if I drink too much..how long will it take me to recover? A hangover for me = laying around and eating bad food. Do I really want to waste a whole day (or even weekend) so that I can have fun and forget about things for a few hours? 5 beers or a head and stomachache tomorrow?" Of course I slip up every now and then and still inbibe too much But...I was VP of my sorority and BEER IS GOOD!

I have decided that I have some issues and may be...well, a little crazy. Ever since I was a kid, I have been afraid of doctors. This has carried on into my adulthood. In fact, when I go in and they check my blood pressure, it is often very high. It usually runs from 133/90 to 145/95, unless I am not nervous or it is a quick check-up. The nurses and doctors are often shocked by this. I am not old, or too much out of shape. I quickly explain to them that I get very nervous and it is always high but I do not normally have high blood pressure. I recently went to the dr. and the nurse was very concerned and made me sit in the conference room while she talked to the doctor. He knew that I was nervous and just told me to monitor it to make sure it was not normally high. He gave me a diagnosis. "White Coat Syndrome." Surely, I am not the only person who has this problem..am I? So, dad let me borrow his blood pressure monitor. And guess what I found out? My blood pressure is pretty good! I checked it this morning, after work, and before bed. And although it was a bit higher after work...it was about 115/78. Wow--what a difference from 145/95. Goes to show you what stress and anxiety does to your body. Unfortunately now, I am probably going to become obsessed with taking my blood pressure, as I have become obsessed with checking my skin for abnormalities, going to the doctor for every ache and pain and worrying about my stomach and seizure disorder. Honestly, I don't know how everyone puts up with all of my worries. Maybe I have good reason to worry. Or MAYBE I'M CRAZY! :)

Back to normal

It's been a month since I was hospitlized. I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. I have two more weeks of taking two medications and then I only have to take one--yay!! Still no driving--until at least October 16th, when my next appointment with my neurologist is. Today I worked out for the first time since. Wow--taking some time off is rough!! I need to get back in shape..it'll make me feel better. And healthier too.

I am starting to look at life in a new way. Since the incident I have come to realize how short life is and you never know what tomorrow will hold. I am fortunate that I have so many people around me that care about me. Throughout my whole ordeal those that truly care have been there for me. My mom has gone above and beyond from driving me around (constantly), cooking food, and just checking up on me. Katy and Eric have been there to drive me if needed. My dad is always there for me when I need to talk. Jenny always calls to check up on me. Brian puts up with my crankiness, tears, tiredness, you name it. He is my rock and I would be lost without him. Oh yeah, did I mention he saved my life? Beth is always there for me when I need a friend. I don't know what I would do without my family and friends.

I have also realized that I need to do what is best for me and not worry what others think. The main thing I HAVE to focus on right now is cutting down my stress. (yes mom, you are right!) But, I sometimes feel that everything is working against me and I have to sit and get crapped on while I watch good things happen to everyone around me. There are certain things I need to do in my life that hopefully will happen soon. Although there are many things I can't change, there are some things I can. I'm hoping by the end of the year things will get better.

So, please bear with me as I adjust to my new life. I know my turn is coming. I just wish it was now.

So it begins...

Last Friday I began taking my "anti-convulsants." I knew there would be some side effects from these, especially since I am pretty sensitive to medicine. The first couple days it completely wiped me out. Words cannot even express how the medications made me feel..mentally and physically. I decided to stay in Cuyahoga Falls instead of going to Twinsburg as I usually do, just in case anything happened. So, Brian came over, we went to On Tap, and I took my pills. Then, we watched Band of Brothers and...I fell asleep. Pretty much right away. Saturday morning I woke up and felt like I had been hit by a truck. I was tired, woozy, and dizzy. My body was even sore like I had worked out. I forced myself to go downstairs (after I smelled some food cooking) and found that my mom made a huge (and healthy) breakfast! I ate...a lot. Then Brian and I went back upstairs and laid around for a bit. I decided that I did not want to spend my whole Saturday doing nothing so I got ready and we went to the mall, head spinning just a tad! Yes, I still felt pretty crappy, but as my mom says, I'm a trooper! I am not one to go down without a fight! I picked out two new pair of glasses that I desperately needed and we walked around the mall a bit. Then, we came back to the house, watched My Bloody Valentine and went to Metro Burger. We had never been there before, but my friend Tywon always talks about it. It was a pretty neat experience! I recommend anyone going there. They even have veggie burgers. There is also a cool store next door called Market Path that was closed at the time. They sell all of these cool fair trade goods. Hopefully I will get to go there soon. After we got back, we watched Friday the 13th, but of course I was struggling to keep my eyes open toward the end. Sunday was a lazy, hazy day. As was Monday. (I was off work Monday, but think I got off the couch a total of 3 times!) Luckily I began taking the medication during the weekend cause I don't think I could have handled working!

I do not like to be on medication. Period. However, it is now the 6th day and I am starting to feel normal. Or maybe what my new "normal" is. If I have to be on medication forever, I can deal. As long as I am healthy and do not have to experience what I experienced a few weekends ago, it's all good.

So, what is wrong with me?

On Thursday, I had to get an EEG done. I had a seizure last weekend and they are trying to figure out why I had one. The lady was really nice, thankfully. She complimented my hair and told me she was going to place a cap on my head. After she did that, she put tiny circles in my hair and then applied a goop-like substance to the circles so that she could put the electrodes on. She told me that I had to lay still for about 30 minutes in the dark. So, she turned out the lights and I was told to do some deep breathing exercises. Easy at first, but by the end, I was about ready to pass out. Then, a strobe light was placed in front of my eyes. There were a series of patterns from the strobe light..this was not a fun experience!!! I was so glad when it was all over. After she wiped the goop out of my hair, I was free to go! Unfortunately I had to go back to work with two bullseyes on my forehead!

Today, I had my appointment with Dr. Huang, the neurologist. He was pretty nice. He tested my eyes, reflexes, etc.. and had me do all these hopping and balance exercises. I passed all of them and we then talked about what happened last weekend. He told me that even though we don't have all the test results back that I need to go on medication to control my seizures. I am not very thrilled about this, but I do agree that it is what must happen. So today I begin taking my pills. Next Friday I have an MRI scheduled to see if they can see anything else that may be causing this.

Life is full of so many unexpected things. I never in a million years would have thought something like this could happen to me. Hopefully the doctors get to the bottom of it and the medicine will make me seizure-free!

My trip to the hospital (s)!

When I went to bed Friday night, it was like any other Friday night. I went to sleep while Brian stayed up and watched tv. I got up once to use the bathroom as I usually do. But, when I woke up, I was shocked to see three paramedics in the room with me. I remember them asking me all sorts of questions that I couldn't answer, such as the date, the year, etc...the only question I could answer was who Brian was. They kept telling me that I had a seizure. I just remember thinking, what????? I guess they led me down the steps (which I do not remember) into the ambulance. Brian said that he would follow us there.

The next few hours are a whirlwind of confusion. Brian's parents came to the hospital, my dad, my mom, and aunt dot. Unfortunately my mom had to cut her trip to Lake Erie short to be with me! They did a series of tests, but did not find anything other than a urinary tract infection which I thought I had anyway. After a few hours, I was transferred to Akron City. My mom stopped home and brought me some toiletries and clothing that I really needed!! I had more blood taken, etc....and they told me I had to stay overnight. By this point it was dinner time and I had not eaten ALL day! So I ordered a turkey sandwich, cookies, a chocolate milkshake, a salad, cookies, and apple crisp. My family stayed for a while longer and then left. Brian and his mom were the last ones there and I found out a little more about what happened before the paramedics came. Apparently I was convulsing in the bed. My whole body was shaking and my eyes were open. Brian said that he rolled me to the side and blood poured out of my mouth. (this was from chewing up my tongue, but he didn't realize that at the time! He thought I was dying!) So, then he called 911.

After everyone left, I was left alone with my magazines and tv. Eventually I shut everything off and went to bed. Unfortunately, the nurses kept coming in every few hours to check on me, take my bp, etc... so I didn't get much sleep. Around 7:30ish, Dr. Dahlen came in and said that he could schedule the other tests as outpatient procedures and that I didn't need to stay another night. I was overjoyed!!! So I called my mom and was wheeled out to her car. I felt fine all day on Sunday aside from not being able to eat anything hard or spicy and my whole body feeling like I worked out for 10 hours.

So, now I wait to get in for more tests so they can figure out what is wrong with me.

Happy Three Year Anniversary!

Brian and I celebrated our three year anniversary together on July 1, 2009. Hard to believe we've been together for three years already! We decided to go out to Hibatchi Japan--one of our fave restaurants for dinner! We split some sushi that was delicious! He got steak and shrimp and I got chicken and shrimp. Then for dessert, we made Rice Krispies with peanut butter and chocolate chips in them. We ended the evening by listening to the cd I made him while we played Rummy. It was a really nice night!

Time to let go

The other day, Brian came over to my house. We wanted to use the computer to check out some job stuff. So, we go up to my bedroom and as usual, it is a disaster. And why wouldn't it be? Is a 30 year old supposed to still be living with her mom?? That's a whole other blog. Anyway, as he glanced at my closet, he started making comments about how he'd never seen this sweater before, or that shirt, etc...So then, I opened up my closet and started pulling things out and wondered...is it time to finally get rid of thist stuff? The problem is, it isn't just stuff to me, everything I own has some sort of sentimental value attached to it.

From cabbage patch dolls, to NKOTB posters. From beer caps from college, to old clothing that isn't even in style anymore. I think I finally realized, it is time to let go of my past and prepare for my future.

So, I agreed that I should start throwing things out, boxing up things, and organizing all of my "stuff". I do hope to move out soon and if I start on it now, it'll be less work for me when I do finally move out. Wish me luck!

Boy, do I need it!

The best of both worlds

I used to hate the way I looked. I always thought that I looked kind of, well, weird. Sure, I was a cute baby, chubby with bright red hair. But the cuteness wore off and then I just looked, weird. And then, there was the awkward phase with the perm and braces..yuck. Not only did I think I looked weird, I acted a little weird too. I was convinced that I was adopted for the longest time...I did not have dark hair or dark eyes like most of our family. I was just...me!

Of course, I look back on all of that and laugh. I now like that I look unique. I'm not ashamed of the fact that I'm a worry-wort or get too emotional about stuff. I think it's good that I care about others and try to keep others from keeping the same mistakes I did. I like cooking (especially baking) for others. I take care of others because I like to. I consider a pet part of the family. If someone tries to hurt someone in my family, I will hunt them down. I may not be graceful, but gosh darnit, I will always try. I do not give up easily. I'm a fighter. I'm pretty good at handling my finances. I'm not the most organized person as far as material things, but I am great with remembering when bills are due, upcoming birthdays, etc...I only nag because I care. I love the outdoors...especially biking, hiking, camping, or just sitting outside. I don't really like to shop, I like to get in and get out! I appreciate a good brew, whether a beer or a coffee. I think it is important to carry on traditions. I do not spend money on needless things and usually only buy what is necessary. I'm a country girl at heart. I don't have time for laziness or stupidness. Family is everything. I do not comform to what others do. I'm my own person and if you don't like it...CYA!!!!!

All of these qualities I inherited from my parents. I believe I really did get the best of both of them.

Except for my looks. Those I got from Grandma Wilson. :)

A Broken Wing

My Grandma Robinson passed away about 10 years ago from ovarian cancer. She was a wonderful grandmother, mother, and wife. As children, we used to love to visit Grandma and Grandpa Robinson. Their house was very small, but quite large to us children. There was always a variety of sweet treats for us in the freezer that we were welcome to whenever we wanted. The tv was there waiting for us. We could ride a dirt bike in their gigantic yard! The most delicious blueberries were in their backyard. We always had a great time no matter what we were doing. And the subs...Grandma made the BEST subs..I wish I knew how she did it because I would love to carry on that tradition. When Grandma died, I was in college, but remember it like it was yesterday. It was very hard for all of us, but for my Grandpa in particular.

Grandma was always the one who kept up the house. So, after she was gone, Grandpa became very depressed and did not do anything with the house...for 10 years. He mainly stayed in the kitchen smoking his cigars, and drinking a Genessee or a pot of coffee. The love of his life was gone and I think that he lost his will to live. Recently, Grandpa was moved into a VA home and his house was sold. I could tell that my dad was upset about getting rid of the house, but he had to do what he had to do.

We helped dad clean out the house..there wasn't a lot of value due to the condition of the home. But going through it brought out a lot of memories. I decided that I wanted to take something that would remind me of them. I came across three angels on the window sill and thought that I would take one, and give the other two to Jenny and Katy. It wasn't until later that I discovered that one of the angels had a broken wing. This angel seemed to intrigue me. Why? Well, as silly as it sounds, it made me think of myself....trying to go through this life as best I can even though I am always trying to overcome an obstacle. I perservere every day even though I sometimes feel like everything is working against me. But, I remain strong through it all.

"And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly"

-Martina McBride

I am that angel with a broken wing. And one day, you will see me fly. One day.

Our luck has to turn around soon--UPDATES!!

This Blog was actually written awhile ago, but I found it as I was going through old Blogs. Please do not email me or call me to tell me you are worried about me because I can assure you that I am fine. I find that I feel better about things when I write them down..it's almost therapy in a way. That being said, here are some of my thoughts...so enjoy!

I'm not going to sugar-coat this blog. It is what it is and I am what I am. Why am I the way I am? Read on.

I went to school and got my education. I did not get married at 20. I did not have multiple children by multiple fathers. I tried to be responsible. I worked many jobs. I searched for many jobs. I got rejected by many jobs. I had bad relationships. I let it get to me too much. I still let it get to me.

I'm angry that all this time has gone by and I still am not where I want to be in life. I'm angry that I cannot get a break. I'm angry that I get walked all over every day. I'm angry that I can't get what I want...just once. I'm angry that I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm angry that I can't live with my boyfriend..yet. I'm angry that I have no money, yet I rarely go shopping for myself. I'm angry that my stress level is so high I am starting to worry about my health. I'm angry that I have no energy. I'm angry that people don't understand.

I want to move out and be on my own! I want that dream house! I want my credit card paid off! I want to get married and have kids! I want a job that I like and that pays well. I deserve this and so much more.

Tell-tale signs you are no longer in your 20's

1. You pull muscles in your back doing every day activities...like tying your shoes!
2. You start to look at people who are not "30 or over" just a little differently.
3. You are paranoid at every little ache and feel the need to make appointments for needless things.
4. You are asked by your doctor, "So...do you plan on having kids in the near future?"
5. You go to bed early each night, yet wish you could go to bed even earlier but don't want to get made fun of.
6. You laugh at all the girls who look like clones of each other and are glad you are out of that phase of your life.
7. You get carded, and instead of getting annoyed, you are excited!
8. You learn to appreciate your family history and want to learn more about it.
9. You have friends that are a decade younger than you. And a decade older.
10. You learn to appreciate your curves (women only!) and aren't jealous of the skinny little girls anymore.
11. Think coffee and converation are the greatest thing ever!
12. You really need to whiten your teeth.
13. You find random gray hairs and it ruins your day.
14. You are not quite sure where to shop for clothing..juniors or old lady?
15. A fun night is making dinner, having a few drinks, and cuddling on the couch with the love of your life. Who needs to go out??

Amy is 30! Ok, I have accepted it!

So, I've been avoiding my blog. I had a little trouble accepting the fact that I had actually turned....30! So, by not writing about it, it was easier to pretend that it wasn't true. Well, it's almost been a month since I hit the big 3-0. And I think that now, I have finally accepted the fact. I AM 30!!!

I actually had an AWESOME birthday. It started off with celebrating with my cousin Andy since we were born three days apart. We had a delicious dinner with our family and even went out afterward! We couldn't believe the day had actually come after talking about it for so long. But, alas, there it was.



The following weekend, my family had a "fiesta" for me! My mom made a ton of food, Katy made a video for me (Aunt Dot style), and we karaoked and drank WAY too much Jose Cuervo. Everyone sang and we all had a great time!!







Finally, the following weekend, Brian threw me a "beach party!" It was fun hanging out with all my friends. And, my little brother even made an appearance! Everyone dressed for the beach and we enjoyed music, food, and beverages!








Celebrating my 30th turned into a month-long celebration. I'm actually a little sad it's come to an end. I guess I get to look forward to my 40th next. Oh joy.

Time to get my health under control!

Today I had to get an ultrasound...it was a rather unpleasant procedure, but a necessary one. I've been having pains in my stomach for a few months now and my doctor advised me that it would be a good idea to get one done. So, being the worrier that I am, I figured that I should get it done to make sure there was nothing seriously wrong. Much to my relief, the doctor told me that everything was perfectly fine! I was very happy to hear that. She told me that it could be my colon that is causing the pain, which I also suspected could be the problem. I'm not going to go into detail all of my stomache issues, but it has been going on for a while now. My brother Mike suffers from ulcerative coltis, and there are many other members of my family who have problems with their stomache. So, I made an appointment with my brother Mike's doctor to get checked out in a few weeks since he knows my family's history. I really hope he figures out what is wrong with me!

I just subscribed to a magazine called "Natural Health" and my dad got me a subscription to "Women's Health" for my birthday. I'm hoping reading these will help me get on track. My mom told me yesterday that she's going to buy me an annual membership to the gym...awesome!! I think that I have fallen off the wagon this past year, which could account for many of the problems I'm having now. Hopefully with reading about how to be healthy, working out, and eating better I will start to FEEL better!

Wish me luck in my quest to get healthy again!

More Resolutions...

1. Stop leaving half drank water bottles in my car...I am constantly having to throw out perfectly good water. It's so wasteful!!

2. Stop being a slob and clean up after myself, whether its at Brian's house or my mom's house. So far, I'm doing better!

3. Try to keep track of all of my stuff and not lose it..(bills, magazines, keys, you know..)

4. Drink less coffee.

5. Whoops, that last one was a mistake.

6. To not be jealous of all the buff, fit people out there and actually get off my butt and do something about it.

7. To use my golf clubs more than twice this year!

8. Experiment with a different hair color.

9. Try not to be so OCD at work. I think I get on people's nerves...oh well!

10. Realize that if I'm not in bed at 10 every night, it's ok cause I'm not working two jobs anymore!

11. Instead of skipping over every little thing I like, to buy myself something every once in awhile! A new purse maybe????

12. To be more chipper in the morning.

13. Again, that last one was a mistake cause it will NEVER happen!

14. To go out and be stupid with my friends more...don't really get to do that anymore.

15. To stop listening (or not listening) to what others say and to realize that I ROCK!!!

Christmas and New Year's pics!

Some ramblings

After being off work since Christmas Eve, the time has come where I must get back to the real world. I go back to work tomorrow, January 5th. As much as I enjoyed my time off, I'm actually looking forward to seeing my co-workers and kids again. But, it is going to be hard to be back into the swing of things. Since I've been on vacation, my whole "schedule" has been off. For example, my eating has kind of gotten out of control. The reason for this is that I have nothing to do, but hang out, so that gives me good reason to eat. Secondly, I have to get used to going to bed early, and getting up early. Last night I went to bed around 2 and got up at 11! Doesn't help the fact that my boyfriend is a night owl and I've spent pretty much my whole vacation at his house!! I do, actually like to have somewhat of a schedule and that will re-start again tomorrow! It HAS to!

Now that being said, like everyone, I'd like to start the year fresh..with healthy eating, exercise, and being around people who make me feel good about myself....speaking of that...

I was actually really bummed after Christmas...and I'm not exactly sure why. My dad said I had the "Post-holiday blues." I think he was right. It's funny how being around certain people can alter your mood and view of yourself... How is it that in the span of two nights, I went from feeling bad about myself, to feeling GREAT about myself? I went from being ignored and pushed aside to being surrounded by people who wanted to talk to me, and were actually interested in what I had to say. I went from feeling like a poor, insignificant girl to feeling like a queen. I know that I haven't lived in other states and countries, and may seem boring to some people, but that does not mean I should just be ignored. I'm a friendly person, who, believe it or not, has a very interesting life and a lot of friends. One of my resolutons for 2009 is to ignore people like that and realize that if people are like that, then it is their loss and I should focus my time on more important things. As my dad says, "Be less affected, and more effective." The bottom line is, I am choosing not to be around people who treat me like that anymore. I'm choosing to be around people who like me for me. People who don't care that I have lived in Cuyahoga Falls my whole life, or have not found that good job yet, or am still living with my mom. If you don't like me, it is your loss.