Resolutions for 2010

Every year, I compile my list of resolutions I want to keep. And every year, I pretty much don't do any of them! I hope that this year is different and I can keep my resolutions! These are not in any particular order!

1. Use my newfound skill of knitting to create some pretty things!

2. Drink less coffee and more tea! This has to do with cutting down the caffeine more than anything, but I have found out lately that I am really enjoying tea! I have been quite successful at this so far. Of course, there is nothing like a good cup of coffee!

3. Go to church. I have been wanting to go back to church for a while now. However, it is rather difficult since Brian is not Catholic.

4. Get involved in a variety of classes at the Natatorium and stick with it. Weight Loss Goal=27 lbs!!

5. Learn guitar! I think I am pretty much the only person in my family that DOESN'T play guitar. But, that is not why I am interested in it. It just looks fun and I hope I can learn it and be good at it!

6. Get engaged!! Well, I don't think this is REALLY a resolution, but it would be nice if it happened!! Hint, hint Brian! In the words of Beyonce, "If you like it than you better put a ring on it!"

7. Move out of the house. If #6 happens, then this will happen. But if not, it probably won't!

8. Dye my hair--not sure what color yet, but definitely lighter!

9. Find a new line dance class. Sadly, our instructor retired. :(

10. Go on vacation---somewhere, anywhere!!! I deserve it!

The Bus Stop

I wrote this while in college. Little did I know, I would still feel like this years later.


I have been waiting for my bus
for too long now.
I keep thinking I see it,
but it goes by and I discover
it's not the one I'm looking for.

So I sit, waiting for the next one
wondering if it will ever come.

2009 in a nutshell

2009 proved to be a very interesting year. It began much the same as other years, but certainly did not end like other years.

I vowed to get back in shape. (as I do every year!) So I began working out again and taking care of myself. I was working 2 jobs and had very little free time. I was a little stressed about not being able to see Brian or my friends as much as I wanted to. Working out too hard too quickly got the best of me and I severely strained both of my hands due to weird yoga positions. I'm a bit of an over achiever and tried to do what the other people in the class were doing...bad idea! Only recently have my hands completely recovered. That really put a damper on my getting back in shape idea.

In February, I turned the big 3-0!! I had long been dreading turning 30, but I managed to celebrate it in a big way! From celebrating with my cousin Andy, to the fiesta my family through me, to my beach party, it was a great time. I was still a little sad about leaving my 20's, but was reminded by everyone around me that I was still young. Although I had my doubts, I put on my game face and continued on...

The next few months consisted of working, hanging with friends, and going to Brian's on the weekends. Still no takers on the house. I began to wonder if it would ever sell. Here I was, with my boyfriend for almost three years wondering when we will be able to move on with our lives. Although Brian asked me to move in several times, I always declined. It is not that I don't want to live with him--I do. I just cannot live in that house. Period. Great house, great guy, but too much associated with it.

Summer came. It started off great as all summers due. Went to Hiram for Alumni Weekend, went to various parties. And then, IT happened. The moment I will never forget. Waking up to paramedics standing over me telling me I had a seizure. Riding in an ambulance to the hospital. Seeing my parents rush in making sure I was ok. Finally being released the next day wondering what the hell happened! The next few weeks I practically lived in the doctor's office. After several tests, they diagnosed me with Seizure Disorder, Aka, Epilepsy. I couldn't believe that at age 30, I was an epileptic. Yikes.

The months that followed were very difficult. I spent many days sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I was given medication--two at first, but after six weeks, was down to one. I had on energy, no motivation. I couldn't drink alcohol, or caffeine. I couldn't drive for three months. The medical bills were piling up. I had to rely on my familly, friends, or boyfriend to take me places. I was useless at work. Lucky for me, I have so many people that were there for me and helped me through all of it. It it wasn't for all of the special people in my life, I never would have gotten through it.

In September, our beloved dog, Lacey passed away after almost 17 years with us. I will never forget her and how happy she made us. She was a part of our family that can never be replaced. I hope to one day meet her again.

My mom and I started line dancing classes. I couldn't believe how much I loved it! We tried out our new dances at the annual Western Party. I caught up with some cousins there and they all came up to me and hugged me and asked how I was doing. It was really nice to know that they cared that much for me. By the end of September, I was feeling much better and was looking forward to the end of the year.

Once I was able to drive again in October, my mood began to improve, although I was still torn up about losing our Lacey. I was happier and tried to continue on with my life like nothing had ever happened. I quit my second job so I could take better care of myself. I went out with friends, slowly started drinking caffeine and some alcohol again, and tried to be the old Amy I was before my seizure.

At Thanksgiving, Jenny and Justin were able to come home. It was nice to see her and hang out with her for a few days. Sadly, we haven't seen her since, but hope to soon!

On December 4th, I received a text in the morning from dad. It said that Grandpa Robinson had passed away. I was shocked! I called him right away and could tell how upset he was. As parents usually do, he said that he was ok and didn't need me to take off work. I was hesitant, but let him know if he changed his mind, I would be with him in a second! As I was pulling in to work, he called me and asked me if I could go with him to get Grandpa's belongings. Of course I said yes and left work immediately. The funeral was nice and they did the 21 gun salute in the cemetery. Dad received the flag, and it was one of those moments you know you will never forget. We all ate dinner after the funeral and then went for a beer in honor of Grandpa. "Have a beer bud", as Grandpa always said.

Christmas and New Year's were nice. The only person missing was Jenny, but due to unfortunate circumstances, she was unable to come home. I was surrounded by lots of family and friends. I enjoyed spending extra time with Brian and hoped that maybe in 2010, his house would sell and we could get a place of our own.

As the year came to an end, I thought about all of the things that had happened in 2009. My dad had told me that although we all had a tough year, somehow it brought us closer. He was right. Sometimes it takes something bad to happen to realize all the good things you have in your life. I am very fortnate that I do have so many wonderful people in my life that truly care for me. I have a job. I have a roof over my head. It could be worse. I could have nothing. And then where would I be?

Let's hope 2010 proves to have some positive things happen---to all of us!!!

What I'm Thankful For

One week from today is Thanksgiving. It's hard to believe it is already that time of the year again! The time when families come together, food is abundant, and bargains are everywhere! As hard as this year has been for me, I am trying to stay positive and look at all the things that I have in my life. And, there really are many!

I wrote many rough drafts of this blog, but I finally decided that short and to the point was better than a long drawn out explanation. No one likes to read something that is too wordy..especially me! So, here goes! And this is not necessarily in any particular order!! :)

1. My family. I don't know where I would be without you guys. You have always been there for me, this past year more than ever. Words cannot even express what you all mean to me. I am very blessed to have you all in my life! We lost Lacey this year which was (and is still) extremely tough. But we had each each other to help us get through it.

2. Brian. For the past 3 1/2 years, he has made me happier than I have ever been. He has supported me through everything and is always there to lift my spirits. He is truly my soul mate and I am so lucky that we found each other.

3. Beth. My BFF forever and always. Almost 20 years we have been best friends. I cannot imagine her not being part of my life. We have seen each other through so much over the years and she has helped me become the person I am today.

4. My health. This is a sketchy one, but even though I recently got diagnosed with a life changing condtion, I am thankful that it is something that can be dealt with without too much trouble.

5. Food, shelter, and clothing. Pretty much explanatory!

6. My job. Even though I don't particularly like my job anymore, I am thankful that I AM working right now. Many out there are not.

Have a great Thanksgiving and think about all of the things you are thankful for!

I'm much to young to feel this damn old!

30 isn't that old, is it? I have come to the realization that I need to go backwards and start living like the young person that I am. Garth Brooks was right when he said, "I'm much to young to feel this damn old." For the past year or so, I have been living my life like an old fart. Let's think about this for a minute...
1. I get up early. Even on weekends.
2. I'm in bed by 10:00. Even on weekends.
3. The number of pills I take daily is quickly multiplying.
4. During the past month, I have bought more facial creams/moisturizers/anti-wrinkle creams etc, than I ever have in my life.
5. Pajamas are on sometimes by 6:30.
6. Lounging on the couch seems so much more appealing than going out.
7. I think about death on a daily basis. (not to worry, I'm no suicidal or anything. Just about death in general)
8. I'm already planning my retirement.
9. It is fun to hang out with seniors. Especially dancing with them.
10. I am not as concerned about my appearance as I used to be. I have kind of "let myself go" as they say.

What happened to fun Amy? I am NOT that old. Maybe it's time for her to make a return to the scene. Who wants to help me find her??

All Dogs Go To Heaven

As everyone knows, our little Lacey passed away a few weeks ago. Jenny told me that Lacey was the closest "person" she has ever lost. I pondered that for a moment, but then realized it was the same for me too. Yes, I have lost numerous friends and family members over the years. But, I kind of feel guilty that the loss of my pet is the one that has upset me the most. Is that wrong of me? Maybe it's because she was always there for me no matter what. She saw me through the worst of times. She saw me through the best of times. There's not a lot of "people" you can say that about.

So, since she passed away, I have thought about death and heaven quite a lot. I was raised Catholic and still try to follow the Catholic teachings as best I can. Granted I haven't been to church in awhile, but nonetheless, I still consider myself Catholic. I was taught that God loves every man, woman, child, and creature on this earth. Now since God loves animals as well, does that mean that our beloved pets go to heaven and are up there waiting for us?

Well, according to the Catholic faith, animals are considered to be material things that do not have souls. Animals cease to exist when they die. It states that animals do not have an eternal soul and that we won't need them in heaven because we already have all that we need.

I'm not familiar with other religions, but is this what other religions believe as well? Or is it just what Catholics believe? I'm sorry but this is NOT what I believe! I believe that our pets are up there in heaven waiting for us. That they DO go to heaven. And why wouldn't they? They are our angels here on earth.

I would love to hear what other people have to say about this topic. I believe that all dogs go to heaven. (and cats, rabbits, bird, etc...) We will meet our pets again!!

Our Little Lacey

I remember the exact day that we got Lacey. My sister Jenny and I were in Marching Band and we had a car wash that day. When we returned home, we were welcomed by an unexected visitor...a puppy! My parents surprised us with this cute little pup..a lhasa apso. She was the smallest, cutest dog I had ever seen. She did the funniest things...from hiding under the couch, to chewing up our rocking chair, and chewing on shoe laces. Her name actually came from her love of shoelaces. As Katy stated, she always had a thing for shoes. With all of us around, there were always shoes on the floor and she used them as her pillows. She was truly a Robinson...stubborn and a little clutzy. But most of all, she cared for and loved all of us equally.

Lacey hated to be alone. She always wanted to be where her family was. When we were sitting on the couch, she would want to jump up and sit with us. When we were in our beds at night, she would take turns going from bedroom to bedroom. Sometimes I would wake up to find her at the foot of my bed, staring up at me with her tail wagging. Even though I knew she would lay in the middle of the bed, I picked her up and put her in bed with me. She would always make me feel better, and somehow safer when she was there. When one of us would leave the house, she would run to the window and whine. She never wanted any of us to leave her and you could actually feel her heart breaking.

Although small, Lacey was very protective of us. She hated mailmen, UPS drivers, basically anyone that came to the door. Her bark sometimes made her seem much bigger than she actually was. However, her bark was very distinctive and depending on the pitch, we could always tell how she was feeling. It sounds weird, but it was almost like she had certain facial expressions depending on her mood. She would smile, or frown at us quite often.

As she got older, she was unable to move around as easily, but still let us know when she was hungry by licking us, or if she wanted to sit with you, or go outside. Her usual dog food was often replaced by dad's "tube steaks" or whatever leftovers we had. We found that she was sleeping a lot more. She got a little shaky. Last year the vet told us she only had a month left to live at most. Miraculously, she proved them wrong and continued to live a happy life with her family. We knew one day, she would be gone. But, none of could imagine a life without our little Lacey.

Last week I came home from work and noticed that she was laying in the kitchen and did not get up when I came home. I thought it was rather odd. My mom called to tell me that she was not doing very well, that her breathing was weird, she was having seizures, and would not eat or drink. I sat with her for awhile, and tried to give her water with a spoon. She eventually took a few licks, but that was it. A while later, she got up to walk, which was a struggle. I wanted her to eat, so I looked in the fridge and saw some ham. How shocked were we when she chowed down and ate it all up. However, she then laid back down again. Dad came over to the house and picked her up and we all sat in the living room, comforting her, and each other as best as we could. We weren't sure if she would be with us the next morning.

Friday, she was still with us! But somehow I knew that this was probably the last time we would see her. None of us were going to be home that evening, so I called dad to see if he could pick her up and take her back with him for the night. Of course he agreed. I will never forget when he took her outside and laid her in the grass. She LOVED being outside, but this time was different. She didn't get up. Finally, dad picked her up and I helped him put her in his truck. I said goodbye to her, knowing that would be the last time I would ever see her.

I was at Brian's Saturday morning when I got the phone call. I saw it was dad and let the phone ring and ring. I said to Brian, "It's my dad." Immediately he grabbed me and said "I'm here." So I picked up the phone and heard the words I was dreading. "You probably already know why I'm calling." I dealt with it as best I could, but I think now that I'm home it is harder because literally everything reminds me of her. The blankets she would lay on, where her dog bowl used to be, the gate outside..just everything. It's going to take us a long time to get over the loss of our Lacey. She was one of us. Although she is gone, she will NEVER be forgotten.

I know that she is up in heaven, playing with her new friends and thinking of her family back on earth. I hope that one day we will meet again. Actually, I KNOW that one day we will meet again. And when we do, she will look up at me with those big brown eyes, tail wagging as if to say, "What took you so long?"

Rest in peace Lacey! You will be forever loved.